@PaytonFaye2003 and @Avaray Corner

@Paytonfaye2003

Payts.... Xxx There's nothing wrong with wanting to go home xx It's a natural instinct to want your mom to love and be there for you and to be home. I'm not sure what went wrong with your mom Payts, not sure what happened to her that made her take the path she took, to treat you the way she did, only she can answer that.. One day if her mind manages to gets clear of those drugs so she can think and behave like a human being should, as a mother should and she deals with the things that steered her in that direction in the first place, if that happens...I think she would feel extreme guilt knowing how she treated her baby girl. You are valuable Payts, and you are so much stronger inside then she is, all that you have been through and still even though it feels too much at times ...you stand back up.

I wish I could take all that pain, all those things she said about you, which were lies Payts, all those times you were abused and hurt so deeply, the losses in your life, and more....I wish I could make like they never happened, so that you don't have to see life and yourself through those "filters" so you can see how amazingly strong you are, how amazingly tender hearted you are, and how beautiful you are, anyone would be proud to have you as their daughter... Molly saw past those things Payts, she saw what you can't yet see, when you're in that place no matter what people tell you, you battle to believe that you could possibly be loved just because you're you, you've learnt to survive by pushing people away, not trusting and not letting them close, but inside at the same time that's one of the things you crave the most, to be loved, to belong, to be safe and cared for just because youre you and for no other reason. You push people away or act out to try in a way make them reject you and in that way you have some type of control in your mind of when they will leave and then it will be true in your head that everyone leaves, but at the same time hoping they will prove you wrong. Trusting is such a scary thing, especially when it's something that has been broken so often.

My dear Payts, Molly sees past the acting out that you do, yes she may want to "kick your butt sometimes" figuratively speaking or pull her hair out or cry because inside she wishes she could take away all the things that have hurt you, and she knows trust will only come as you're ready and able to realise that although she may screw up (as we all kinda do) that's she's there for you, loves you, wants to be your chosen family.

Payts.... I'm so proud of you, I'm not just saying that to make you feel better.... I've seen how you have grown, how you fall down.. But how you get back up... I see that compassion for people that you show, and even when you have nearly made my heart stop from worring about you, or when I've wanted to jump through my cell to "kick your butt" or even cry at times because I wish I could take away your pain and I wish you could see you the way we see you. I know that will only come with time, and as you heal and grow stronger.

I can hear your deep sadness and exhaustion Payts.... It's been a long tiring uphill fight, that adrenaline of neeeding to be alert and prevent things from happening takes it out of you. I think as you are realising that you can be safe with Molly although you are scared that she maybe won't, can't love you, but there's that part of you that's starting in a way to let her in a tiny bit and that stopping of running on adrenaline drops because somewhere inside you know you can be safe with Molly, but it can brings such an exhaustion because you've had to be strong for you for so long, it's letting you know it's time to rest. You are safe here.

I'm not at all surprised that Molly chose you kiddo, caring, loyal, smart, beautiful, and full of spunk. Don't give up Payts, rest with Molly, bit by bit, she is real and so is her love for you .... You are oh so worth it and apart from wanting to give you a big hug and say, it's hard my little friend, but you are going to come through at the end, and you have a strengh in you that you don't even realise, and a future ahead of you.... I wish I could say it's just going to go away or be easy, but we all know it's a journey of learning new truths and our value. I would also want to give Molly a huge hug for seeing your value and chosing to be your mom and wanting you to be safe with her, wanting only the best for you, loving you. She sees you Payts..wants you... Yes you are worth it, one day you will look back and see that and be able to believe that and not believe the lies spoken over you. Yes my dear friend lies... I don't know how they got like that, why? It's heartbreaking, no one deserves that... But I'm glad you are here Payts.... Never give up kiddo, rest, take a well needed break.. But never give up.

Love you kiddo...