Really need help.
Hello to the ones reading this, I guess this is a bit egoist to start a thread about my life. But long story short, Im 20, Im unemployed, i have no diplomas, no money, no flat or house of my own, i live in france, and people here don't employ someone with a 3 year gap on its resume. I live at my boyfriend's flat, and things aren't going well with him at the moment. At 17, i dropped out of college, because i was bored and tired of it. I'm a "gifted child", but i would call it "person with a brain too big for being accepted". I dont want to be like this. I want to be averagememy intelligence only caused me trouble as far as i remember. I was raised in a middle low class family. My parents were really nice to me. Too nice in fact. I did whatever i wanted to do, and i was being encouraged for it. I guess thats why im that lazy and dropped out of school. I was abused both mentally and physically as a child. Twice. By 2 differents men. At 12 i started cutting myself, at 13 i got my first boyfriend and i got a lot since then. I didnt realized until i was 17, that everything i lived was insane.. The nightmare began, first panic attack, hospital, Xanax. 2 days locked up in a room with no tv, no phone, no pc. I thought i was going crazy. Nobody took care of me. Only my parents and my bf had the right to come and see me 1h per day. The psychatrist was an old mean man. I got out and eventually had my first therapy session with someone really great. It lasted 2 years, i still go from time to time. But nothing seems to help. I worked a little bit but my boss underpayed me. I worked a lot for nothing, in a bar far from where i lived. So i quit. Now its even worth than before. I cant get out of my flat alone, i cut myself last week after 5 years of not doing it. Im depressed, smoke weed all night playing skyrim, sleep all day, have bulimia nervosa and i cant see my future anymore. I dont know what to do since scholar and work system are horrible in France when you are in a situation like mine. I dont want to become crazy,for the moment its just morbid depression and constant anxiety, but if i ever see myself becoming skyzo or something, i will definitely kill myself. I wanted to this morning, then i came here. At least its a good thing... If you read this til the end, thanks and you're either really bored or really nice. ❤ have a good day.
@Shatonium if you want to speak to someone I am here.
@Shatonium Hey, I just read your post and not everything but alot of what youve been through I am currently going through aswell, I am 18 though. I completly get what you feel its such a struggle and I dropped out of college too and now im currently unsure where my life is going. I havent been able to come to any conclusions but incase you havent looked in to things I could give you some suggestions that I have been given. Hve you thought about taking a course? in something you actually enjoy?: even an online course so you dont have to be in a classroom? Also, have you looked in to apprenticeships in ur area? you could apply for something that catches your eye and even if you apply doesnt mean you have to take the job if its offered, it just gives you some options and if you go for an interview you still dont have to take it if you dont like it. Best outcome of an apprenticeship is you get a qualification and you get paid so you dont have to balance having a week of studying and then a weekend of working somewhere you can just hit two bird with one stone and still have a social life and probably weekends. Again I have tried this it was good for about 6 months and then I left, no i didnt get a qualification but it wasnt a waste of t6ime I got paid and got experiance so i can add in to my CV next time I wish to apply for something. Also, have you thought about doing something for you till you decided exactly what ypu want to do? for me I was really good at art so ive started drawing again, I know sounds stupid but its just something that I like, and I started going to the gym gives me a focus and some time out of life itslf, bloody hard work! lol but its something to think about. Try looking on college websites because they dont just have to do studying in a classroom, they have JOB options on there that they have available, they have apprenticeships and courses. Im not too sure much about what your in to or what your interests are so leave me a message at some point so I can get an idea because everything I just suggested may not mean a thing to you but if I knew you more i might be able to suggest things :)
