Trying to open up

I don't really know how to deal with my depression anymore, I've lost faith in all my current friends, I thought I removed all those didn't at leas try to see and listen to part of what's troubling me in my life but it seems I've placed to much off a burden of them , I can't be with people who know I'm trouble but refuse to see it . With family it's different I only trust my mom and brother because my Dad is emotionally abusive and manipulative and refuses to see his own faults while talking down to us and all other family members act like its okay when they know his wrong but I can't talk to my brother or mom about this because I feel I place a even heavier burden on them , all of us are emotionally unstable and are barely able to take care of ourselves . I tried looking for professional help using a free government agency because I have no job or money but that was a mistake , those people made me feel horrible about my self .Now I honestly don't know what to do , every time I break down which is weekly now my first answer is end but I then talk myself down but soon realise I'm alone and and this is just pointless
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