Two years after my diagnosis, I still struggle to get out of bed.
Well, I'm on my fourth year of undergrad and I continue to fight on to make it on my own. Since I was diagnosed with depression, I've been on 3 different anti-depressants and have had my share of counseling/therapy etc. For some reason, I figured that I would be fine by now. I'm not. I'm at a much better place than I was before, but self-doubt is a powerful thing. It was naive of me to think I could get over this demon like I would a cold. Obviously I knew it would take some time, but I never imagined it taking years. I've read online that some people can struggle with depression their whole life. This terrifies me. How will I ever be able to function at the top of my abilities when everything seems dull? I fight every ounce of my body that tells me not to get up every day. My mind screams not to get up. "Why even get up?"
Lately, I've been losing that battle. I struggle to find that motivation that's been keeping me going. It has been smothered by endless negativity and thoughts that say it's not worth fighting. Crazy how an neurotransmitter imbalance can have such a powerful hold of your life. Well, no worries. I must go on. It's the only thing I can do, right?
I'm 49 and have lived with depression all my life. I was over 25 before I had a diagnosis. Before that I was 'lazy' and 'being silly'. Getting out of bed on a morning is the hardest step of the day sometimes. But not every day. Depression ebbs and flows. Sometimes its easier, sometimes for months or even years at a time. Every bad patch, I learn a little more about how to cope and improve.
I'd suggest writting down the things that help you. Depression plays tricks on your mind. You think things are so obvious you'll remember them, but I never do. I've only been doing this for a few months, but reading over my lists helps spot things that might help today. Keep the list by your bed, that's where we need it most.
You can do this and it does get less hard