Alone, upset and afraid
I thought that once I started getting treatment for my depression, I wouldn't have to feel this way anymore. Naive, I know. But I'd hoped that anti-depressants would make me feel better. And they do (kind of) but recently I've just been feeling very alone.
When my depression took a turn for the worse last year, I withdrew. I became very anti social and found it difficult to talk to people. I like being alone. But I don't like to feel lonely. And I feel very lonely at the minute. I'm isolated from everyone around me. I'm just... a drifter passing in and out of people's lives. Nobody cares enough to ask me if I'm okay.
And I'm not.
I've found myself wondering what the point of life is. If you're alone, and no one cares about you - what's the point?
I suffer through every day with only one thought on my mind "When will this be over?" I don't enjoy anything anymore.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is:
What's the point anymore?
Poem from tumblr user:
Do not tell me
you?re best friend
would not sit in at your lunch table
for three fucking days
just staring blankly at your old seat
wishing that you were there
to fill the space with laughter.
Do not tell me
your younger brother
would not break down
in the middle of class
because you guys started talking about
your favorite type of subject
in school.
Do not tell me
your mother
would not stare into the mirror
with trembling lips
wishing she could be
bringing you home from the hospital
rather than having to escort you away
in a casket to the nearest graveyard.
Do not tell me
your father
would not begin working
the night shifts
to distract himself
of the silence at home
because you?re not up
until the ungodly hours of the night
talking to what?s-his/her-face
on the phone
because you guys are so in love.
Do not tell me
your boyfriend/girlfriend
would not go into your room
and put on the last hoodie you wore
trying to desperately imprint
your sent onto their skin
so they never forget your smell.
Do not tell me
your friends
would not stare blankly
at the gymnasium wall
after the principal has announced
your death
to the entire school
making no sound
trying to convince themselves
this is just another one of
your impractical jokes.
Do NOT fucking TELL ME
this bullshit line
of how the stars would still appear
the sun would still come out
the earth would still rotate
and the seasons will still change
because without YOU
you lil beautiful piece of human being
none of these people will want
ANY of that to happen
I like that poem!
I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way. If I could make all of the hurt goaway, I promise I would in a heartbeat. But since I can't make that happen, I can make a promise to you: even though we have never talked, I can promise you that I care about you immensely and I will always be there for you if you need me to be. You are needed in this world, and you have already made a massive impact on those around you. If you need me, please message me, and I'll be there for you!
I feel the same, what is the point? I am not real religiousso it doesn't even apply, but if it is so great to be in heaven what am I waiting for, I am ready to get out of this hell.
I can hear you are both desperately searching for a reason to hold on, to not give up. That reason you will find within yourself I do believe, Find what makes you tick, what makes you excited, what makes your heart skip a beat when you think about it, what do you dream of, find those things. Do your best to step beyond the depression for a moment and think of what would make your heart glow, then, strive for that, hold on for that. Hold on for the fact that there will be someone who you will come across that will desperately need help from someone who understands what it is to face depression all the time, they will be your reason, without you, they too will have no reason, because there will be noone to hear them, noone to understand them. It is not in any way an easy fight, in fact, it's the fight of your life to continue with the battle, and each day you get in to bed, you have won, it is your victory.