Anger and depression? (trigger warning? self harm)
To preface this, I don't even know if this is a sign of depression, but I don't know if I'm hesitant to say I'm depressed because I don't want to sound like I'm trying to be edgy, if my brain is trying to convince me that I don't have it, or if I just want a reason/excuse for some of my behaviors. I've been questioning high functioning depression but I'm not sure.
I didn't always do this, but recently I started scratching myself when I'm angry. I don't get angry a lot, but when I do I don't have the best control of it. The first time I thought it was going to be a one time thing, but I ended up doing it the second time I got mad. In both cases, it felt like I wasn't allowed to get angry back regardless of how someone spoke to me or I was being ignored (which made me even angrier). The second time I got mad, I was on my period and while I tend to feel a little low around that time (I've looked into period-related depression), I don't think I was the first time I scratched myself. I'm just not sure why I started self harming when I get mad especially because this isn't something I've done before. Growing up, I've been told to suppress negative emotions so maybe that's a factor too?
Hi there @Vincisomething
How are you feeling today?
Anger can be a sign of depression as it is one of the symptoms of depression.
The difference between anger in its own and depressed anger is the duration of each one. Anger usually goes away after a short period of time while with depression, it can be a constant feeling that goes on for weeks or longer. But in order to confirm your depression, you would need to consult a professional on the matter. It is okay to feel depressed, it doesn't mean you are seeking attention or you are trying to be edgy 
People who experience anger and depression may suppress their feelings of anger. Alternatively, they may be more likely to display their anger through aggression or even violence towards themselves or other people. Surprising your negative emotions can be an important factor that adds to your anger. Do you think you validate your emotions/feelings? How do you usually cope with anger?
@LandOfHopesx3 Growing up, I was told to suppress any negative emotions or we would get shut down or punished even more. It wasn't until relatively recently that I learned that expressing anger is OK, but it's been hard for me to express it in healthy ways lately. I don't think I feel angry constantly, but I'm also not sure how I feel. My default answer is "I'm good/fine" because while I haven't been feeling terrible, I'm not exactly the happiest I can be.
@Vincisomething
I am sorry to hear about that, managing emotions can be quite a difficult task, especially when you are told to surpress your emotions in such way. What about taking time to consider your emotions, to explore your feelings? What do you think could be a positive outlet or something that would help you with expressing yourself in a healthy manner?
You don't have to be sad or low 24/7 in order to suffer or be diagnosed with depression. Have you considered talking to a therapist and getting a proper diagnosis?
@LandOfHopesx3 I have watched a few videos on healthy ways to express anger. I have considered therapy but I'm not sure how it'll effect me financially.
@LandOfHopesx3 In the meantime, I've been trying to focus on self care.
@Vincisomething
That is great, self care is very important! Meanwhile you can try 7cups managing emotions guide. If you would like to talk about depression my PMs are always open. Hope you get better soon
@LandOfHopesx3 Thank you! I have been feeling better but I tend to slip back into feeling low at times.
@LandOfHopesx3 I think the part that confuses me is there are days where I don't feel depressed so that kind of convinces me that I don't have depression until I start to feel low. I don't think people feel depressed 24/7, so it might be my brain trying to lie to me lol.
