Birthday Blues

My birthday used to be my favorite day a year, other than Christmas. Now I really hate it. Everyone expects me to be joyful and have fun but all I could think of today was how I deserve to feel miserable because I'm garbage. Most of my friends, even close friends, forgot my birthday, and my family didn't care much either. It was like a regular sunday, only difference my mom prepared (kind of unwillingly) a meal I like. It was her birthday too, so I can't blame her much for not wanting to cook me anything, but I tried to make his day a good one for her and she didn't seem to care. I know she didn't have fun today either and everyone blames how crappy this day was on my attitude, and that only makes me feel more guilty and more ridiculous for feeling bad that most people didn't try to do something nice for me. I ruined my mom's birthday with my depression, why would I deserve people do something nice for me?

The only thing that makes me feel a little less guilty, is that I know my mom has a lot of friends who want to celebrate with her, so probably our birthday is less important and she will have fun with her friends in the following days.

The "bright" side is that I'm pretty sure I'm getting what I deserve. I often annoy people around me, even when I try hard not to, and I know I am a burden to almost everyone. I don't think I deserve anything nice today, but still, I'd like it if things were different.