Broken and lost
I feel broken, like a part of me isn't working properly. I'll spend a whole day focusing on bad thoughts either to justify why something happened the way it did or if I did something wrong. I thought talking to my best friend would serve as a good alternative to therapy.I was hoping to feel more supported, instead I feel more isolated. I'm definitely more delicate then I was before. I'm a shadow of my former self, not the chipper jokester. There are times when I'm in the moment and enjoying myself, when I'll be happy and cracking jokes. Though that'llfade after someone brings up something that makes me think bad thoughts again. It's quicker for me to fall into this mood then it is to get out of it and recently it's been getting worse. I'll stay a day or two just in this funk and I'm afraid it'll just progressivelyget longer and longer... I'm scared and need help. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm tired of this and just want it to go away.
TheOtherAlex,
I know how it feels to feel broken and like you are losing yourself. It can be really difficult, but things do get better over time. Sometimes speaking to the ones closest to you can make things worse because you never really know how they will react to the news. I know you don't want to fall in to this rut and stay broken for longer periods. I'm here to tell you that things can get better as long as you want them to and as long as you try. It definitely does not happen over night, but as long as you work towards it, it will get better. Don't ever forget that. Also, if you ever want someone to speak to, you can always connect with me. I'll be here to listen and remember, I'm not here to judge you. I promise. Sending lots of love and hugs your way<3
I'm lost every day I go true the day sometimes just stearing at a shoe or something and it feels like 5 min then I look at the time it like 3 ours later. I have no thoughts and if I try to think its about something thats depresing so then I just sit there or sleep.
Vince,
I can completely relate to you because I was in the same situation a few years ago. It can be very draining and can take a toll on your day to day life. I'm here to let you know that things can get better as long as you want them to. You have to work for it even if you really don't want to. Do you think you are up for the task?
Hey Vince,
I'm sorry to hear that, but hey we're in this together.
I work at Whole Foods and every once in awhile a co-worker will catch me staring at a product for awhile. They'll come up to me and I'll turn to them and saythatthis is interestingand simplywalk away. I'm really just try to cover the fact that I was staring at a box of vegan sugar for a good 10minutes, but shoot if I could do that for 3 Hoursthat'll bethe easiest pay check ever.
Joking aside I can relate to how you feel, it's not so much that you're concentrating on what you're looking at. It's what's distracting you, causing you to stop what you're doing and focus on those thoughts. We just need to keep our minds busy with other things, not give ourselves the chance to get lost in those thoughts.
Keep me posted Vince, we'll battle this S.O.B together or atleast stare it down.
I feel the same way, and it sucks. I'm definately not the person I was, when I'd always besmiling, laughing, and joking around to be silly to get others around me to laugh even if I was down. I've had depression since early high school, late middle school, and it feels likeit's been getting worse day after day. Even visiting the therapist doesn't do much help when it used to be really helpful to me. & I just feel like I don't even know what to do anymore, and a lot of times, I don't even want to do anything. I'm getting to the point where I'm almost done withcollege, and others+ familyalways asking, "what are you going to do ? what are you studying ? whats your major ? what are your plans ? what do you want to do ? etc" is justmaking it worse with other issues I have to deal with.I really wish this would all go away too.Just thought I'd say that you're not alone andI really hope things get better for you TheOtherAlex ! ^^
Thanks Deanaro, It is comforting to know that I'm not alone in this. I also definitely relate tohow you feel with friends and family asking you "What's next?" or my personal favorite "Are you happy doing what you're doing?". Sometimes I wish I could tell them that "It was all part of my goal to graduate, quit a decent job for what I thought was a better one, of coursequit that job too andfinally ending with my life long dream as agrocery clerk. A four step process for what should of been one."
I'm sorry about that tangent, I really do wish you the best of luck though and hey, you're graduating soon! That's an accomplishment in itself! Haha, so that's rad. Sending you my best anda shield to deflect those pesky questions in the mail.
TheOtherAlex,
I haveverysimilar feelings to the ones you described above. I also, obsess and worry about doing something wrong and think about it until I know I'm in the clear and will not be punished. Do you feel like this weighs you down? Distracts you from daily life- because that is what I found. I still feel like I am in the "funk" you describe from time to time, and other times I can be thehappiestperson you've ever met. It all depends on that one thing someone says to trigger it. I'm now working on how to overcome this, and it is taking time since this is a way I have been... but I am trying extremely hard to push past this. I find distracting myself during this time helps a lot, doing something with friends, going shopping, baking, etc. This all helps me forget about that thing I'm worrying about. If you ever need someone to talk to, I would love if you messaged me and we could chat!
Love,
Lauren
Thanks Lauren,
It sucks, because I'm pretty sure the amount of effortwe spend obessing over these things could be used on the greater good e.g. baking. I would love to know how to properly bake blondies from scratch, I once attempted this and some howmade brownies instead.
I think you really hit the nail on the head, when you mentioned distracting yourself. I think that's the key, because lately I kind of just dwell in it and I believe that's why it's taking me a longer time to get out of this mood. Just recently today I visited my family and it helped distract me for rest of theday.
Keep me posted if you find new ways to combat this and I'll do the same also.
- Alex
