Can't let myself be happy.
Just when I thought I was getting it all together, a new life, a new love, looking for a new job. I have an amazing boyfriend who is wonderful. Typical man lol, most the time he is sweet and romantic, sometimes he is just a little "neglectiful". Nothing bad, just hurried when we talk or just not as "mushy talk" as I feel I need at that time. So I can't seem to let myself feel happy.
I have been in 2 bad marriages. First one was a cheater, emotional abuse. The second decided that I wasn't worthy of his time after I gave him kids and helped him buy his business.
My boyfriend is a bit younger, long distance and wants me to move out to where he is. So the jbo hunting begins. Been looking for a few weeks with nothing happening. So of course my self esteem is in the toilet. I try so hard to be happy, to look at the future, to move past my well my past.
Why can't I just be happy? I start to be, then.... Why? I'm so afraid of not being good enough for him, like I wasn't good enough for anyone else.
@sadie63 Abusive relationships can leave emotional wounds that take a long time to heal so it's no wonder you can't just simply be happy. It seems like your life is heading in the right direction, but your past keeps haunting you. I don't think your previous partners leaving you had anything to do with you not being good enough. It has more to do with their nature, it's not your fault. I don't think you should worry about not being good enough for your boyfriend because if he truly loves you he will love you despite your flaws. Unfortunately, recovering from the damage they've caused you takes time. I can't give you a clear answer on how to overcome that, but I do hope you find happiness because you definitely deserve it.
@FriendlySlav Thank you. Yes it is hard at times. I do believe that emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. I did tell him once that I didn't feel like I was good enough for him. He "lectured" me for a long time on how I was more than he deserves. He is so good and kindhearted. Thank you again!
@sadie63 In some cases emotional abuse can be even worse than physical abuse. Please don't let your past experiences hurt your current relationship. At times, you may feel like you're not good enough for your boyfriend, yes, but if you've learned anything from your past experiences, there were people that left because they decided you weren't good enough for them. I'm sure your boyfriend would have showed clear signs of dislike or even the desire to leave if he truly wanted to leave.
Proud of you for being as strong as you have been. <3
@Glue Thank you so much. I really appreciate what you said.