Considered emotionless

As you saw I am considered emotionless by my family specially my father, when my grandma died when I was 8 I didn't know about it they never told me and when I knew I cried so much in silence my dad never knew he always considered me cold hearted since then I am turning 22 and he always throw this Infront of my face specially when guests are there and I always tell him its not true and my heart breaks , i think I have been depressed all my life but since I went to college I became worse I never had a phone till college and they always punished me for grades and they made me hate school and myself then when I went to college I started being addicted to my phone and got depressed I have no joy in life like the last time I was happy I can't remember it. My dad was so strict to a point I used to lie about my grades and there was one time it was a weekend and I used to watch a tv series I was grade 10 and when he saw me watching TV he was so angry to the point he said to my mom why didn't you miscarriage her just like the other baby and it broke my heart to pieces to the point I hate him now