Cutting ties with family members
For the last decade, I have been cuttting relationships lose in my life with certain members of my family
1. The relationships were toxic - There were lots of put downs, the need to control me, put me on guilt trips etc.
2. My immediate family has not really been that interested in me because they don't understand my situation and nor have they wanted to. Rather they seemed to contact me whenever it was convenient. Other times they would whine about me contacting them on Father's day, and other holidays and yet they would onlu have 5-10 minutes to talk before something else was more important.
Examples
"Can I call you later? I am going shopping right now," or "Can I call you later, I am busy cooking right now."
A couple of years ago, one of my sisters went on vacation with my her friends and called me last minute when she was already on the road with her friends going to Florida. She said that she would stop to see me on the way back and it had been 11 years since we had seen each other. I wanted to join them and my it was "Hey I just want to spend time with my friends I will stop and by and spend with you when you reach your city though." She came through and she only had 30 minutes to spend with me and refused to stay over at my house.
This past weekend I decided to cut the relationship off because my dad had the nerve to text me about my mom's birthday yesterday and I said "I know" and then deciding to let them know that I felt like it was not a good idea for us to associate for a while. I had brought up both of the examples above. The other reason too is because my dad had 8 years to call me and remind me but he went and did it out of the blue. So I decided that my relationship with them was not really healthy so I cut it off.
So today, my depression levels are up because of what I had to do yesterday and Saturday night and believe me it's not easy
@Summershy It is very understandable. Our family provides a lot of stability to us. But when it is not going well with them, we can feel pretty imbalanced.
@Fristo I had not spoken to my mom in 8 years and yet she had the nerve to contact me out of the blue after hurricane Michael and she had not tried to call in the past until this hurricane blew through and caused damaged in parts of my state. At first, she made it sound like she wanted to talk to me by barely asking about me before asking about her sister, who I am also not speaking with because she is abusive too. So I just hung up with her last month.
The other thing is that my first sister and I are not on good terms and have not talked in 5 years because my relationship with her was toxic and she was very controlling and hateful. However, she got married to an abusive husband and he has been nasty to me on a few times and yet it's hurtful because she left me out and refused to tell me. It hurt because I wasn't ever going to get the opportunity to be her maid of honor and nor am I going to now be maid of honor in the other one who went to Florida was too selfish to think of taking me along after 11 years.
@Summershy I am sorry, shy, that they have not been well with you. It is understandable why you are upset with them.
@Fristo actually I am at the point where I feel no emotions towards my family one way or another and that my swimming pool of tears is dried up because I know what I expect from people like that.
I have been pretty sad and angry with both of my sisters and especially the one who got married because I feel like she doesn't care about when she did. Rather, it's all about how she was scared that I would not approve of my husband because she gets this idea that I think I am better than she is because he's abusive has been mean to my family.
I am also angry with my baby sister for disregarding me as a member of the family while driving down to Florida with her friends and wanting to run off and be with them and yet not bothering to let me know in advance. Rather she texted me early in the morning as she was on her way down. In fact, I texted her and confronted her for what she did in which I said that was uncalled for and it was rude. It's been two days and she hasn't bothered to respond to me or say "I'm sorry."
I also told her that I was hurt about being left out of my sister's wedding and that she can also need to apologize for treating me like that because it's sad to know that I never got to be her maid of honor or propose a toast to their marriage.
@Summershy I am getting it, shy. You have carried care for your family members as well as some expectations. But maybe they have been far from having fulfilled those expectations, leaving you hurt. Do I say it right?