DISCUSSION: what is so hard about telling your friends about your depression?

@John04

For me, it's definitely the stigma behind mental illnesses. When you tell someone you have depression, I've had family members say, "So? I'm depressed too! Everybody is! Toughen up, I don't need medication or counseling for that!" Having a bad day and being chronically depressed is not the same thing but it's all stigmatized as such. The only way you can understand depression is if you have experienced it, it makes your whole body ache.

It makes me feel foolish, vulnerable, weak spirited and it comes to actually telling people about it face to face, I feel like there's a lump in my throat and I stop myself.

For me personally, I don't like the idea of my friends worrying about me, because it would make me feel alienated rather than accepted. A big fear of mine as well is that they'll dismiss my depression as something that I could just "get over" by reading or watching or listening to something. Or worse, lable me as some kind of basket case and start treating me like a damaged kitten all the time.

Honestly I don't even know what I would expect if I tried to tell other people. I don't even know what I should expect, or even would want out of the people I'd want to tell. Which is also kind of a big problem I guess.

@John04 This is a good question, thanks for opening up a space to discuss this.

For me, it's hard because they can never really understand it. Maybe they can on a theoretical level, but it is different from the actual experience. And then there are those who just look at you like, "You look good. You're doing great. How are you sick?" It's hard that we don't have a lump to show, an x-ray or a blood test to prove that we're really sick. So yeah, it can feel foolish. And when you do tell them, what are they supposed to do? Some of them want to help but don't know how, so again it feels kind of pointless.

In the end, I still try to push myself to tell people I love about my condition. It helps break the stigma and as awkward as it can be, I do believe it's good for me. I wish you the best John! We're just here to support you. :)

For me, the hardest thing is just trying to get people to understand the scope of my particular depression (which manifests as emotional numbness, lack of ambition/drive, and just a general uncaring attitude). I find the stereotype for depression is that you're just sad all the time and I find that when I try to explain that I just don't care about things or can't always show the right emotion their thought process goes:

wrong/lack of emotion = sociopath

I know I'm definitely one of many who's depression works in this way and I'm sure that many of those people find it challenging to explain that, no I'm not a sociopath, just depressed.

Good discussion :)

I don't suffer from depression anymore however I remember feeling embarrassed and ashamed of my depression. I never told anyone how I felt and kept everything locked tight including friends and family because of that - much to my later detriment.

It's great that society is a lot more educated and understanding of depression these days.