Depressing Day

So, yesterday at work, the moment I started my shift, my colleague complained about my work and what I had left for her to do in the morning. I tell her my reasons and that I already stayed for an hour and 30 minutes overtime to get things done, leaving her those things, I gave her a heads up with a text. So it wasn't a surprise. She says, those things will only take a mere 5 minutes, that I could've might as well did it. Then she goes off telling me that I can't depend on others, that I'm not responsible, that I'm not doing my work properly, not helping colleagues from the other department out, telling me my reasons and explanations are basically excuses and I'm not doing my job properly.

Let's just say, I HATE it when I start my shift and have a colleague telling me things I did wrong or incorrectly. It totally brought my mood down, and I was totally ***. The night before, I told her about a product that we ran out of, but I figured it out with another colleague that we had extra stock, with a different name, kept in the hallway. So, when I went to work yesterday, she asked me to ask the clerk if that product lives downstairs (the direct department we work with), and had me deliver them. I was already ***, so I just bagged them in two large clear garbage bags, went to the department and put it on the floor.. Five minutes later, that colleague comes to me and asks if I was the one that just left it on the floor without telling anyone.. I was like "Yeah".. thinking: "So what? I bagged them purposely, so they are still considered Sterile, what is the problem for leaving on the floor?".. then, she was like, "Yeah, that's a no-no".. By then, I literally don't care anymore. I avoided her as much as I can for the remaining of her shift, we have 4.5 hours overlap. So, in the first couple of hours of my shift, I was already totally *** and depressed and felt wronged. But that wasn't enough for her, I was in the hallway helping a fellow colleague with something, and she comes to me asking to give her a hand to take things downstairs.. In the elevator, she continues to repeat what she had said in the morning. So, within that 4.5 hours where our shifts overlap, she continuously reminded me of all the things I did wrong, my reasons were not reasons, that I was irresponsible, that I cannot depend on the colleagues downstairs to do the work, that I'm not doing my part properly, that I shouldn't leave things for her in the morning to deal with, and she wanted me to acknowledge that I was in the wrong. I just nodded, when she asked if I understood what she was saying, what her point was, I just said, "Yeah, uh huh." Then, when we got to the department downstairs, she was like, "See, when we come bring things down, and see something like 'this' ready to go upstairs, we take it with us." So, what she's saying is that this is what we do, but don't expect the people down there do the same when they go up to our department.

I vented to a colleague I'm close with during our dinner break last night. I realized that the night before, the colleagues in the department downstairs are buddy-buddy with her. So, the people downstairs probably just said all bad things about me, and she takes their side and blame everything on me, telling me that I'm the one that's in the wrong. Seriously, I really HATE it when my shifts starts off by having someone tell me I did things improperly, that I was irresponsible, and not doing my job. What's worse is she kept repeating it throughout those 4.5 hours of our shifts overlapping. I already tried to avoid her, because I know I'll probably end up snapping at her if I spoke to her or I'll talk back at her, I'd lose it. It really starts the day off on a very negative note and I'm depressed for the remaining of my shift. It's the next day now, Saturday, and I'm still quite depressed about what happened yesterday. Last night, I ended up staying for more overtime an hour and 15 minutes, just to get everything done and not leave anything behind for her when she gets to work for Monday morning. With this incident, it adds on to another reason as to why I don't want to work here anymore and why I'm losing my initial passion for my work. Colleagues who only talk about what I'm not doing well on, and not appreciating all the other things I'm doing correctly and blame everything on me, is making feel like work is a dread. Adds on to how much I need to launch my business, and aim on earning enough so I can quit this job completely. I really can't stand colleagues on my team telling me all these negative things and feeling like they're ganging up on me. I like all the other people I work with, the nurses and doctors, the housekeeping staff (trying to keep the joy in my work through them instead), just not the colleagues on my team (Aides).

Early this year, us, Aides, had an email sent to us, saying that during the shift that she currently is covering for, has an additional task of putting product away that is ordered by our clerk. All week, she put NOTHING away, and I did it all. Not ONCE did she thank me for that, I get all the thanks from the clerk instead. And yet, it was only that one night when I left things for her to do in the morning (giving her a heads up with a text message), and she blames me for everything. Why can't colleagues ever appreciate each other for helping one another out with tasks, but will go on forever about things that they believe others have done wrong?

I also had a drink last night when I got home too, and just didn't even feel like sleeping. So, I stayed up until almost 3 before going to bed.

Now, it's noon. I'm in my computer room, door closed, headphones on and listening to my playlist. Today, I don't feel like working (preparing to launch my own business), I'm just NOT in the mood to do anything today. I just want to sleep, or watch dramas on YouTube. And not even talk to my family, hence closing the door. I got a feeling I'll still feel depressed when I'm back to work on Monday, luckily, I'm only working Monday - Wednesday for next week, then off until June 18th.

Manager asked if I could work as an extra body for the weeks I'm off, at first, I told her, I'll let her know, if I can get things done as planned for the time I'm off after next week, maybe I could work for the last week of June as an extra. But after yesterday, I think I'm going to say No to her, they can work things out themselves. (Extra body is needed because our internal elevator is broken, so things have to be brought up/down by staff, rather than sending it through the elevator). Apparently, they are always short-staffed downstairs, but upstairs, I'm the only "extra" body when I'm not working as a vacation relief. But, even without yesterday's incident, I can still say no to the extra shifts, as my Manager had previously approved that I can keep my weeks off for June.

*Sigh*, it's going to be a depressing weekend and for the 3 shifts I'll be working next week.