Depression and Relationships
I'm a newlywed and I love my husband very much. I also have severe anxiety and depression. It's really hard to not feel like a total burden on Husband in general, and I know that he finds it really hard that I'm unwell. A lot of the time, I feel like I should just snap out of it and be happy with the positive things in my life.
As a person, I'm naturally quite empathetic and so I know that when I'm in a dark space, he suffers for it, and I hate it. But at the same time, I kind of just want to say "this is my problem, not yours" - a lot of the time I feel like I have to support him when he's upset that I'm depressed. And I sit there thinking "I'm the one with depression, can't you just be there for me?" and for the most part, he is.
Then at times I just feel nothing toward him and that's really scary. Because I love this man, I really do, and he is fantastic and my best friend and marrying him was the best decision I ever made. But with the depression, I feel really numb a lot of the time. And I second-guess myself - I only got married a few months ago but I sometimes forget it even happened and it's just... blah.
Husband is also really creative and wants to do a bunch of creative projects and wants me to support him but honestly it's a struggle just getting out of bed in the morning. I have a chronic pain condition to manage as well, there are changes afoot at work and I feel like I'm spending all my time trying to be a semi-decent wife when all I want to do is curl up and cry most of the time.
Has anyone else found that depression affects their relationships with people? How do you manage? Any tips/experiences/thoughts?
Relationships are a huge reason behind my depression. I'm very protective of what mine, but not very typical. I'm also a friend, but how would a person feel waking up one day being told by the person they want to spend eternity with , that they aren't happy anymore? I hate asking "what if?" Or "where did we go wrong?" I still love him very much and I wish he was mine again....
That's the best way I've seen how I feel put into words. I've ruined two relationships with my depression already, I loved them both a ton and I would have done anything for them, but THEY couldn't cope with my depression (never mind how it affects me, right?). I actually just found out that my first love felt so unwanted and useless (his words) that he cheated on me with 4 girls when he was on vacation for a week, and then he left me for one of those girls. It's hard to avoid feeling like I ruin everything, because like you I'm very empathetic and I can see that I hurt the people around me, but I'm trying really hard. You just have to remember that he promised you the rest of his life, and I'm sure if he loves you more than he can put into words. And you made a promise to him as well, so you owe it to him to keep fighting. Every morning you have to choose him. It's hard to keep going, but it doesn't take anything to love someone else, and you don't realize how helpful it is until it's gone. I know sometimes it feels like they don't understand and you just wish they would be there for you, but usually they're trying and just aren't sure how. It takes work on both sides. I don't know exactly where I'm going with this, but just never forget that you're loved
This was meant to be a comment on the original post whoops
I can't keep my balance with anybody, i'm tired of being screwed and I'm tired of my life because every time I try to find a life partner I always get screwed, i'm tired of people lying to me, i'm tired of everybody not liking me, I hate rejection, what do I do to find the right one? I'm so depressed because I have no girlfriend in my life, I don't know what to do, I have no girlfriend, why can a girl just keep me
Wow... So glad to know I'm not alone. I'm also a newlywed and I struggle so much trying to be a "good wife". My husband tries but he just doesn't know how to cope with my depression and anxiety. I can get so moody when I'm in that dark place... I find myself snapping at him sometimes, and then I end up apologizing and trying to pretend like everything is all better! Even though I'm still in that dark moment. I scare myself so much with how my depression cuts off my emotions... I love my husband so very much... But there are some days I look at him and feel nothing. I know it's the depression talking, but it is terrifying. I work nights and I have chronic fatigue, he doesn't understand why I don't want to get up and spend time with him... I just want to sleep.
I know that's not helpful at all really.. But atleast we aren't alone! That's always a good feeling :)
I don't have an advise or tip for you, unfortunately.
But I'm in almost the same situation as you! Except for that he is not creative, it sounds totally like me! I'm just married for 7 months and have depression and anxiety which are really a burden for me - which also makes it a burden for him. I know he had high expectations in me. In what things I could manage and also make his life a little bit easier. When I first met him I had depression & anxiety, but I was like in a good phase where it didn't affect me much.
I moved to the US for him from Germany and my depression and anxiety increased to a level I never had. It's terrible. I have anxiety and panic attacks every other day. I can't get the easiest things done, I can't make sure he always gets his meals or all household tasks are done. I really feel bad, because he is most of the time doing 190% and I'm only doing 10%. I try to drag myself out of bed, out of the house, just to get at least something done. And afterwards I'm so exhausted, I just want to sleep, curl up somewhere alone, cry. I also had chronic headaches the first few months after moving - which I fortunately got rid of with acupuncture. And I'm glad I don't have to work at the moment.
My husband never had mental health problems, so there is no way he understands what I'm going through. Most of the time he is really understanding and sweet. But his tips in how to get better just make everything worse.
It is really difficult, especially if your partner has no experience with the struggles you're going through.
Are you seeing a therapist? I'm still trying to find one, I really have high expectations in therapy.
I hope you get help and have a happy marriage!
Hello,
I have severe depression as well, and my boyfriend for the most part is very supportive. I can relate to a lot of the things you guys have said. I feel guilty and just wish I could be happy for my loved ones. One time I remember my boyfriend snapped at me. Told me that I was never this depressed. He kept asking me what had happened, what had changed, when in reality nothing had. And it was one of my fears- that he would get tired of me too. So lately I've been holding in my emotions. Not telling him when I'm sad. Because I just fear he'll be upset with me again and I don't know if I can handle that. Thanks for reading my little rant, and thanks for posting, I found this all relatable.
