Depression and my support system
Hey to anyone that may read this.
I am 25 years old and diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Growing up mental health wasn't something that was really talked about in my family so I never learned how to have that conversation or how to even really identify what was going on with me. After dealing with my depression for over 10 years, I finally got to a point where I knew I needed help and so I finally started getting medicated and going to therapy. I felt like I was making progress but at the same time all the help I was getting was from strangers. I hit several low points over the last several years and hit one of the worst ones I've had in awhile, several months ago, so I decided I needed to expand my support system to include family. I ended up talking to my parents about what's been going on and how long it's been going on for. I expected them to have questions and for them to get emotional but my mom in particular started to blame herself. I tried explaining to her that it wasn't anything she or my dad had done, this is literally just the way my brain is wired. I'm not really sure how much she believes that but I could see how much it was affecting her. I noticed though, since letting them in on what has been happening, the conversation has somehow changed and is more about catering to their needs and supporting them, reassuring them. It's been quite frustrating and I often wish I hadn't said anything at all. I thought the whole point of telling people, especially your parents, was so they would support you... but I feel like I'm the one that's having to support them. I tried to lay out very clearly what my needs were but every time they ask me how I'm doing there's that twinge of feeling like I can't tell them the truth or else I will have to comfort them for the next hour while they cry and ask where they went wrong or how they should've known all those years ago. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, how did you handle it or what have you found that works for you in terms of a support system?
@UncertaintyWellKnown Well, as soon as you said how your mother reacted, I thought, "She's making it about her." I was going to ask if you had been allowed your own emotions growing up, or if everything was about how your parents felt and making sure they were okay. Given the rest of your post, it sounds like that is probably the case.
In my experience, it's better not to look for support from people like this, family or not. They aren't equipped to give support, only to be the center of all things. It's far better to get help from strangers, most of the time. And they aren't strangers, because they listen to you, get to know you as you are, and accept you for who you are.
@ThisIs543 And yes, I've been through this. Everything was about my mother growing up, and that didn't change as a grown-up. I don't get emotional support from her, but am expected to give it.
If your parents ask how you are doing, you don't have to go into great detail, and you don't have to lie. I learned something on another forum (Out of the Fog, you might want to look that up) called Medium Chill. In this case, I'd say something like, "It's been up and down, but I feel like the social support is helping a lot. Thanks so much." And changing the subject. (Yes, it's a white lie, but you don't have to say it's not THEIR social support that's helping you.)
@ThisIs543 That's a good point, thank you