Depression in the Christmas Season
Hiya Lovelies!!
As Christmas is fast approaching, I've noticed that my depression has got worse. Christmas is a time to be jolly, give presents and eat a lot of food. Yet, I just don't feel that normal fuzzy feeling like I used to.
I've been finding simple classes which I used to like, harder. The teachers play Christmas music in the background and it just reminds me of when my best friend moved house last year, it was a pretty sad time. At that point in my life, Christmas was just blocked out. I feel like I'm already trying to push the duties of Christmas away. Buying gifts, eating lots of chocolate, putting up decorations.. All of which are just seeming like a chore to me.
Do you get what I mean? How does Christmas affect your depression? 
@blossombreathe I've been struggling with depression since August and with the stress of going to 12 step meetings, finishing this application, and trying to get references from people, I forgot christmas was next week. it just feels too much sometimes so I'm not doing anything productive today. All I did was eat, and be on this site, and I should probably do something productive but my body has been going since Friday and I just don't want to do anything.
winter has always been a lonely/sometimes sad time for me. this year I haven't even thought about christmas bc of the stress of getting a job and just trying to cope with emotions but christmas music has cheered me up at times which I normally do every year.
I love the spirit of Christmas. I love helping when I can and giving what I have. I love Christmas carols. However, Christmas itself makes my depression worse because it means being with my family. It means faking emotions, it means hiding annoyance, it means desperately trying and failing to find alone time that I can truly just relax and recharge. It means people expecting so many things from me and me having to work so hard to put up the appearance of fulfilling those expectations when I truly am not. It means stressing over so many things. I honestly would much rather spend Christmas alone or with just my sister but since she's in high school still I need to go home to see her and she can't stay with me because my university is out of state and my parents would never allow it and would be so hurt by it.
I feel the same about Christmas as well. I have been trying to shake off suicidal thoughts. And hopefully it doesn't get worse the next few weeks..
My Girlfriend broke up with me and Christmas is around the corner and it sucks because I miss her and I can't forget all the things we've done together, on a daily basis and especially our year end trips. I was told she didn't want to belong to anybody, and the break up happened haphazardly, without even a proper talk to end it. I asked many times if it was because of someone and she said no. But now I highly think they are together and she just won't let me know. She knows I'm depressed and suicidal get she is cold enough to ignore my messages and my cry for help. I can't believe its such a cold world out there. The biggest joke is, throughout the 3 years she told me she will never like that girl and in fact always called her crazy. Yet I think they have gotten together now. Life really plays a bad joke sometimes.. and I have no one to talk to because my friends don't know I was seeing a girl and we didn't exactly feel comfortable telling people. Everything sucks now.
After 4 christmases bringing everyone down I thought this was going to be the first year I was happy but that doesn't look like the case. I'm starting to worry I'm going to bring everyone down yet again
My mental health gets a lot worse during the holidays. Mostly because of my bad relationship to my family. And as a person who has bulimic tendencys, it doesn't help that i get called fat all the time. the worst thing is going to church. i really dont want to because i feel like God dosent give a shit about me considering that im suicidal and have been depressed since i was 10 (!!) like god why the fuck would you make an 10 year old life so hard that they tries to kill them selfes?