Depression is killing me. N
Everyday I wake up and it's harder to move. Harder to get up. Depression holds me down. Beats me. Tortures me. It's hands are wrapped around my throat. Suffocating me. Strangling me. Tighter every day. I can barely breath anymore. I fight but it squeezes tighter. It's nails are digging into my skin. I bleed. I cry and thrash but can't break free. I try to scream but I have no more breath. No more strength. It is winning. I'm am fading. Weaker everyday. It smiles and laughs. Taunts. It takes joy in seeing the life slip from my eyes. It revels at my weak resistance. It squeezes tighter. I gasp for air. Claw at its hands. Weaker with every movement. Dying. My eyes close and my hands fall. it whispers into my ear the last words I will ever hear. I win.
@Solitaryshadow. I am sorry to hear that your depression is overwhelming at the moment but there's one obvious battle your depression hasn't won. You come on here for help and that takes so much courage and strength and your depression wasn't strong enough to stop you. So take that Depression! Welcome to 7 cups and if you need to talk just message me or any other awesome listeners here. Congrats on your win and stay awesome! :)
This was very well written.
@Solitaryshadow, you're description is so vivid, so ferocious. I can feel the claws firmly gripping my chest, slowing down my breath, cold sweat on my neck. I can hear the taunting laughter. The beating of my heart hastening in panic, almost galloping, like a hunted animal...
I enjoy reading your post, as much as it painfully reminds me of my illness. Well done!
@celaeno it scares me that this is what I see everyday. I feel it crushing me and I don't know what to do. It keeps playing out in my head. It strangling and suffocating me. It always wins. I don't know if there is any point in fighting it anymore. I feel like I'm slipping away.
@Solitaryshadow, my lovely flower. It's heartbreaking for me that you have to struggle with so much pain. I'm so sorry that you are suffocating, I'm sorry that you feel like losing with your own brain. It's not fair, you don't deserve any of this.
My dearest, I want to run the distance to you, across the lands and oceans. I want to embrace you and to ease this unbearable pain that you are still bearing every day. You are so strong and courageous to fight over and over again, against the odds. You are swimming against the current, and you feel like giving up, but you are still swimming. I admire your persistence, even if you feel like there is no point anymore.
Darling, you are the point. You are the reason enough to keep fighting. You are amazing, despite your struggle, and heartaches, and past, and flaws, you are magnificent. You are a walking artwork, and so are we all. We are worth a live without suffering - you are worth the life without this monster gripping you! You are exquisite and nothing, not even depression and anxiety and pain, can take it from you. You are lovely. You are loving. You are kind. And you are heard by me and I shout to you across the continents: I care, @Solitaryshadow! You are worth the fight!
I know you feel so tired and scared. Let me take care of you, only if for a little while. Here, there are soft pillows and warm blanket for you. Would you like some kind of a distraction from this everlasting dread. Maybe soothing sounds? Show? Or a song? ? A cute live animal feed? A game? A relaxing video? Or would you like to talk to me? I'm not a listener, but still I care about you. I'd love to ease your heartache, help you carry this unbearable weight, because you don't deserve it.
Breathe with me, darling. Deeply, inhale through your nose and exhale through a mouth. Or listen the lovely voice in here. Just make it through this day. It will end, no matter what. You can do it. You are so strong. You can survive. I believe in you.
If I could take away all the pain from you, I could. I don't have this power, but fortunately there are people in this world who have such skills. Please talk to one of them. You don't have to suffer. You are worth the best of universes, my love.
Please, let me know did you manage to phone someone. I care about you.
Sending all of my strength, and hope, and love, so you could make it. And I know you will. You're invincible.
*hugs so tightly to shield you from the pain and dread*
@celaeno I called. They talked me down. I had the pills in my hands but they convinced me to stop. Last night was hard again. I called again. I told my mom. She was sad. I don't like it when she's sad. I don't want to hurt her. She said she loves me and said she was so sorry for not seeing it sooner. She made me flush the pills I had. She sat with me through the night. Thank you celaeno
You reached out for help. That takes strength and will. You are stronger than you feel, and more loved than you know. Hang in there. It will get better. Thank you for coming here. Lots of people here care and want to help you.
You should use this talent to write a killer rock song. Then laugh back at depression with the sweet smell of revenge.
