Depression pushing friends away (need advice please)
How do you deal with / cope with "friends" who don't put in any effort. Not only is it frustrating and upsetting, but it makes me feel worse about myself. E.g low self worth.
I only have one friend (Abby), if I can call her that anymore...she's been through it all with me over the last few years and helped to support me. But I feel like she's given up on me. I would only see her once every 7+ months (and she lives 20 minutes away from me). She always tells me she is busy working and I work longer hours than she does, and she posts pictures on Facebook of her enjoying time with her friends but makes excuses when it comes to catching up with me over a cuppa. She knows that I question our friendship because I have asked her several times (over the past 2 years) if she still wants to be friends, because I feel like a burden to her and because she is distant. Each time she has assured me that we are friends, and that she's always there for me.
What should I do? I think she doesn't want to tell me that our friendship is over incase it hurts me. But it's hurting me to feel rejected by her.
Thank you to all those who welcomed me to the group and replied to my first post.
X
@Constellation93 hey, I know what it feels like to isolate ourself from others because thats what we do when we are down with depression.Your friend seems to have been distant with you but that does not mean she has ended the friendship. Maybe she is giving you spcae? or she feels that nothing is left in being friends anymore as you had questioned her before about it.You can make amendemends with her by confronting her and sort out perhaps? All we need is good commuincation in any relantionship and this is friendship so you gotta give your one last try. We are here with you and dont give up :3 *hugs you*
@Constellation93
It's very difficult to know what she is thinking. Because only she knows. Sometimes people distance from us, but it doesn't mean they don't care. You are putting big effort and that is amazing and powerful~~~~ 
@Constellation93
Do you know if your friend is an introvert? It may not be a case of avoiding so much as a case of pacing herself with limited energy and each social outing can drain introverts greatly especially if they are depressed. If you both have depression this can compound feelings of distance on both sides so maybe she feels the same way wondering if you still like her after it being so long...or she may just be so worn out and feeling she's constantly choosing between people and the more demanding people who are smiling just win out the hours by default cause it's often the easy option.
I know if someone asks me to meet them for a coffee or something like that then tries to turn it into a full day of going other places or just trying to keep the time going past the timeslot I said I was available for it will start to feel like they won't keep to the timeslot the next time so I'll hold off until I have a full day's worth of energy to use on them because I'll feel bad thinking I'm cutting things shorter than I'd agreed to which isn't usually the case. I do love those people and don't consider them a burden at all. It's just unfortunate that I don't have a limitless amount of energy and in some cases they are more outgoing so they don't quite seem to understand how much social activity drains me. It's a lot easier for me personally to keep in touch/catch up digitally when I'm feeling less energetic if they don't require a super immediate response each time...
I've also been on the flip side of the coin feeling needy and wondering why someone wasn't replying on a messenger app when it could be any number of different reasons having nothing to do with me personally and for sure my depression will make that seem worse when I'm not on meds or succeeding to keep mindful about "depression talking" at me with it's lies.
@Constellation93 I can definitely relate to your story. It is so similar to mine. I have this friend who used to be my BF and we would spend sooo much time together. But now both of us don't have much free time, so we meet every 4-7 months. We text from time to time though, but what makes me sad is that I feel like every time we have a conversation it is me who starts it.
At the end of the day, I've come to the conclusion that there can be no right or wrong answers in life, so if you want to continue being friends with the person, then do it. And if not, then let go of this relationship.
@Constellation93
im in basically the same place you are and it hurts everyone has givin up on me but look dont get down on it im sure you can find other friends its hard i know it is but still if she wants to end the friendship then so be it people dont need friend who hang out with everyone but you thats just stupid and retarded find a friend wjo really cares about who listenes and can help you someone who understands you an will treat you with respect and wont ditch you or hang out with other friends and not you
