Difficult Holidays
Hey everyone.
It's been really stressful lately.
Most of my stress has been caused by my younger sister. She's gone completely silent for several weeks and none of my family members have been able to get her to respond. She missed out on getting a Christmas gift from our older sister or either of our aunts, and all of them tried really hard to find out what she wanted or needed mostly by asking me or suggesting that maybe she'd take my calls or texts. But she didn't.
My mother has been very worried over my younger sister. She's thinking of all the things that could have gone wrong or whether or not her abusive boyfriend is causing trouble again. I've tried hard to talk her down and reduce her stress, but it only increases mine since she's made it very clear that once she passes my sister is going to be my responsibility.
Her health isn't very good right now. She's still sick with a cold and has an appointment to see her doctor in January because she has concerns about whether her COPD has progressed, needs refills of her meds, and wants to see if she can use a friend's old nebulizer to take her medicines and I've had such trouble trying to explain to her why that might not be good, so to just bring it with her and talk to the doctor about it.
I've tried to get my mother to try and check her blood oxygen levels every day. My older sister had her test it while she was there with her kids to give her a gift, and then they talked about steps she'd have to take to get on oxygen since her readings are so low. My mother is very worried but also doesn't want to put anyone under more stress or worry.
I've told her that I would help her prepare some notes that she could refer to during her appointment so she won't get muddled or lose her place. She also was adamant that I not come by to be her advocate.
And that's about it for now.
@integrityblues
It can be extremely stressful who a loved one NEEDS helps but refuses it ..... a person who does not respond can cause all sorts of stress and most likely is aware of that...
As for your mother it sounds like she really needs an advocate in her care and it happens to many i know when i am ill my attention is not at peak and i have had others come to appointments to verify information or asked for them to be written out.
In my experience my sibling did that "no no you do not need to go with me etc" but her issues were often minor but blown out of proportion for drama as she was a hypochondriac ..... not your issue obviously but maybe ask why she does not want you or someone to help with medical appointments.
@toughTiger6481
Yeah. I don't know if my younger sister actually knows how worrying she's being. Considering her drug history, she might be on a bender right now from stress.
My mom thinks any of us will be traveling too far and wasting our time just to be with her at the doctor's appointment. She also insists that if I try and make the trip (shouldn't take me more than an hour or an hour and a half to get there) I'll just get murdered on the bus or train. She says something similar when I suggest my older sister accompany her there, but instead of murder she talks about how its not fair to waste her time since she has kids and a job.
I think she doesn't want anyone around to listen in on what state her health really is now with her continued smoking and arguments about the medications she doesn't like but needs to take any way.
Its just very frustrating.
@integrityblues
I can understand i have a sibling like your youngest as well no one really know where she is at now and i am resolved to hope for the best until i hear the worst.
spouse is same does not take his situation seriously and does not want me to know the truth i think not that it is bad but not the pity party he wants.
@toughTiger6481
I'm sorry about that.
This has to all be so frustrating, I know how much you worry about your mom and your sister. Keep reminding yourself that you are doing the best that you can. Lots of it is in your mother's court and is something she needs to make the decision to do something about.
But that makes for a stressful holiday for you. What kinds of things are you doing to care for yourself?@integrityblues
@bestVase7265
I've been down with the flu since last Monday, so I've been taking cold medicine and bed rest, though I have to get out of bed and walk around the house because of how sore my legs get when I'm laying down for too long. I've been reading digital books on my phone, watching Netflix and YouTube on my TV, and trying to get more sleep.
@integrityblues
did the stress drag it out ? .......did for me ....... i got the flu as a christmas gift from granddaughter and my kids say i am so hard to shop for.... lol
daughter and son in law also got it .....i stayed in bed longer then all others ........hid away..... daughter was concerned but i realized it was the stress of spouses reaction ............like i could not get sick because it was ruining his holiday ...... i am finding saying stuff out loud or text now that i used to keep to myself ....... relieved stress and my symptoms started to go away without real reason but i see the connection now.
@toughTiger6481
It may be partially due to stress. Exposure is also included, but I've also been wearing a mask and keeping my hands clean with sanitizer.
Its just a tough time of the year and I've already excused myself from most gatherings to prevent passing this flu on to anyone else.
I've been having a tough time in general but I'm trying to work my way through it.
Those are all exactly the things that you should be doing. @integrityblues
@bestVase7265
At the moment I'm trying to get myself to do a load of laundry so I can change my sheets and pillow cases, and also have something else to wear. I'll do it all slowly and not strain myself with the effort.
Oh, my therapist finally got back to me last week and we had a brief call during her lunch break. She did ask if I really wanted to chat after she heard how strained my voice was from all the coughing and the sore throat.
I didn't get to talk about everything that was bothering me, but it was nice to talk to her about how getting the flu made me feel-how the first night when I woke up with the fever all I wanted to do was talk to my mother but it was way too late at night, so I kept myself awake to lower the fever with ibuprofen and an ice pack instead.
Slow is good. I am glad that you got to talk to your therapist. Even for a few minutes that helps. Sorry that it was too late to talk to your mom. The flu definitely messes with your sleep.
You are going to come out the other side of this. Just take things slow. @integrityblues
Slow is good. I am glad that you got to talk to your therapist. Even for a few minutes that helps. Sorry that it was too late to talk to your mom. The flu definitely messes with your sleep.
You are going to come out the other side of this. Just take things slow. @integrityblues
@bestVase7265
Thanks. I'm trying to get it done slowly.
Are you feeling a little better?@integrityblues
@bestVase7265
I'm not coughing as much anymore, but now my sore throat is back. As for the difficult holiday stuff, I'm mostly the same. Trying to get my mother to not worry as much since my sister's birthday is tomorrow and she still hasn't contacted any of us to say 'Hey, I'm okay.' I'll send her a birthday text tomorrow and leave it at that.
Great! Glad to see things turning the corner just as the new year begins. And it is awesome that your aunts remembered your dad's birthday!
Hopefully you will have even more strength tomorrow to get back to a more regular schedule. @bestVase7265
It sounds like you are doing the best that you can. I find sore throats a little easier to manage than the coughing. Are you able to take anything for the pain?
Hopefully your sister will be in contact, but there isn't much you can do except to distract your mom if she is not. @integrityblues
@bestVase7265
I kept waking myself up with a nagging cough last night and early this morning, but I'm hoping to get this finished. I'm sick of feeling sick. My aunt suggested I use ginger for my throat, so I woke up this morning and slogged through the rain to get some ginger tea.
I sent my sister a birthday text and I'm not focusing on whether or not I get an answer from her. I'll have a nice call with my mother and try to relax.
Focus on the good call with your mom and drinking the tea.
I would be tired of being sick too if I were you. My son just had all his wisdom teeth pulled and is still in lots of pain after 3 days. It is hard watching him because you just want it all to go away faster. But it does go away and you do get to feel better.
I hope for you that is tomorrow. @integrityblues
@bestVase7265
I've turned a corner I think. My throat isn't 100% better but I'm not coughing nearly as much as I was before. I've been gargling salt water in the morning and evening. I've been drinking my ginger tea with honey.
I'm handling my day well enough (just got up after reading in bed all morning) and discovered I got my SSDI check early. Now I'm busy budgeting and planning what bills I'll pay.
Today would have been my Dad's 58th birthday. I've also gotten messages from my aunts ringing in the new year and saying happy birthday to their brother. So that was nice too.
@integrityblues Are you feeling any better yet?
Hi @integrityblues Sorry the holidays have been difficult. Maybe the new year will be better. I need 2023 to be better too.
@SweetPea321
I hope the new year will be better for everyone.
How have things been the last few days?@integrityblues
@bestVase7265
Tiring. I've been worn out, but the sore throat is getting a little better. Like a little bit at a time, then it pops back up if it was an especially cold night and the heater didn't kick on while I was sleeping.
That stuff can be hard to get over quickly. I hope the rest of your new year is going okay. @integrityblues
