Does it ever end?
Hi guys, I'm a newbie here... I didn't want to write something straight away but its been such a horrible day, I dont know where to turn. The past 4-5 years have been chaotic. Left my abusive husband of 15 years, literally grabbed my 3 kids and ran. We've gone through refuges and homelessness together, fear, anxiety, the deepest pits. Was forced to cohabit with my ex for almost a year until we finally got out for good. I have my beautiful home, my kids that I adore, my fiance who worships the ground I walk on so life should be good, right? Wrong. I feel so lonely, so alienated, so empty. The past few years, all the strength I had to summon to keep up going, its sweeping me now. I hate myself, everything about me. I feel ugly, unworthy, Im lying to everyone. I'm alone here, no family. I had one good friend that turned incredibly toxic. I haven't seen my partner in 5 months due to covid. I just wanna sleep all the time, I'm so tired. Don't know who I'm fighting, myself? I tried to rationalise it bug I can't, I disgust my self, I can't look at a mirror without pointing a thousand flaws. I've started pulling hair again. I don't wanna be like that and I cant stop. I need help and I've got no one. I'm sorry it was long drawn, just wanted to get it off my chest xx
Don't be hard on yourself. I think you are so strong, and brave and beautiful. And you are not alone. You've been through a lot to get where you are and it's okay if you feel tired or empty. But it won't last forever, how you are feeling right now. Just being here and saying how you feel is a big step. If you want to talk more about it, I'd be more than glad to listen.
@rianygr- reaching out on this site is yet another step forward. You have done so much but it sounds like covid has put a halt on your progress. Losing your friend and not seeing your partner- that is a loss of your support. Have you had any chats with listeners? Sometimes simply processing your feelings with someone helps to put life into perspective. I know- been there with different issues. Please take care.