Existing, not living
Hi, I want to hear your input and if anyone can relate to this:
The thing is I just feel like a lost cause. I did take my master's degree, but that's it. I'm not working atm, I'm on 'sick leave' (don't know the English term for it). My depression manifests itself like I'm some kind of a sociopath - let me explain before you think I'm a psycho, lol. What I mean is that I don't care about people. My family and the very few friends I have; I don't care about them AT ALL. And I'm alone most of the time, but that doesn't bother me in fact I prefer it. I don't feel lonely. But logically I know that humans are 'pack animals' and that we thrive in herds. And I used to be someone who loved discussing science and such (that's why I went to university). But I am completely indifferent about anything and everything now. Like the title says it's like I'm existing and not living.
@lennnox hello. I can relate to this. When my depression symptoms and anxiety symptoms were severe, I made my world very small. I didn't have the mental capacity to care for anyone's needs or desires, I was barely able to maintain on my own. I don't know if your situation is similar. If it is, it's not sociopathy it's just being shut down, emotionally. Depression can carve out our insides and if we feel anything, it's the cold emptiness .
@lennox hi,
i can relate to a lot of what you posted. Existing, not living is an accurate way to sum up my life. I feel and have always felt very disconnected from people and the world around me, family, friends and everyone, which has left me in a lost place. Emotions are difficult for me to express, Im sad at my situation and full of regret and depression but wen it comes to loving something externally and caring I struggle when I know I shouldnt.
