Extreme homesickness and sadness
I have depression and anxiety, and it has troubled me since early childhood. For the past few years I have lived in the Midwest. I am from coastal New England. I miss my home so much that it makes me feel sick and sad. Sometimes I feel like a robot. I may be able to move to a different part of coastal New England, but it will probably be temporary and still far from my original home. This is mainly due to my SO's career. It is very likely that we will eventually have to live in California due to his work and I am so frightened and saddened that I could be so far away from my home. I miss the cold and the rain, my family, the culture, the ocean.
My SO is having trouble finding a job and I am terrified about our future and I have no idea where we will end up. It is crushing to know that I may never live where I grew up again. I feel like a part of me has been ripped away and I feel such despair. Sometimes I feel like life has no meaning. My SO, our cats, and my mom keeps me together. I have just started to see a therapist. I just dont know where our lives are going, and how I am going to emotionally survive. I hope that maybe in the future that becoming part of a Zen center might help. I don't know.
@modestwillow I just wanted to say your homesickness is completely understandable. Culture shock is a very real thing, and it's especially hard when you LOVE where you are from. I have had terrible homesickness in the best of situations (Italy!), so I can only imagine how hard it is to be there prolonged, and not sure where you will end up next. It is wonderful to find a partner for life, but it can also be very unsettling to have your destiny tied to theirs so much.
I'm glad you are seeing a therapist. Hopefully they will help you gain coping skills and find a way to make the best of the situation.
@Alia3475 Thank you for being so understanding. It is really, really difficult. Dealing with it has had a terrible effect on my mental health, and one of the main reasons I began to see a therapist again was to work on this issue because I feel that it is destroying me. My partner has done many kind things for me and changed his life as well. One of my greatest hopes is that we can live in New England forever, and he can have a stay at home position doing what he loves which he is completely open to. I just hope that things come through for us. I feel so sad and worn out all the time. I hope that we move to New England and never, ever leave. I want as little to do with the midwest or any other part of the country as possible. I miss my family. The rainy cold weather.....everything. normalcy.
@modestwillow Thank you for opening up this conversation. Like you, I would call home to be New England, and generally speaking all of my family is on the East Coast. Last year I moved to California to be with my SO and for a job opportunity. I really like my job and the people I work with, but I feel like I just can't figure life out here. I miss the east coast so much. I feel like people are very different and while I've met nice people, it's hard to make strong connections and build friendships like I did before CA. I feel so alone because I don't have anyone here except for my SO, but I feel like it's getting harder to talk to him, someone from this area, because it feels like he's becoming more frustrated with me. While I enjoy my job, it is not very close to where we live, so I spend a lot of time commuting and I also work long hours, so I really struggle with work-life balance. It feels like there's no time to really branch out and meet new people, or when there is time, I'm so burnt out that the thought of going out to meet people is incredibly exhausting. I feel like I'm trying as hard as I can, but my will power and motivation isn't infinite, so I go through patches where I feel hopeful that it will work out followed by periods of utter lonliness, sadness and thoughts about quitting and moving back to New England. The cycling is also emotionally exhausting, especially when I feel like I have no support system here. When you work long hours, it also makes what is only a 3-hour time difference incredibly frustrating. By the time I get home from work, or even when I'm driving home, it's too late to call my family and friends on the east coast.
I hope that you are able to find your way back to what feels like home for you and in the meantime, I hope that you find things to make wherever you are now more enjoyable.
@anonyGlobe292 Hello, I'm sorry that I am only now respnding to your post. I have not been on here in months. I am so sorry to hear about your struggles in CA, and with your SO. I feel like they should be more loving and understanding as you moved there to be with them. I miss New England and my family every day as you do. I hope so much that you are able to find your path in life that works for you, and a job that has a better balance. You are in a really tough spot, and I can so relate to you. Please feel welcome to talk to me anytime. I hope that you have a nice evening and that things get better for you, situationally and emotionally.