Feeling cynical about "self-kindness"
Like many people, I struggle with debilitating negative thinking. Even when I'm feeling in a somewhat good mood, I think about how unaccomplished, lazy, and unlikable I am. When I'm in a crisis I sometimes spend days thinking about everything wrong with me. I don't seem to be able to change and the thinking heavily intereferes with my life.
Since I don't have a therapist, I'm trying to learn some CBT skills. I've gotten better aiming at the root of my thinking, but I still can't really get over my negativity. One of the suggestions I read and hear over and over is to be kind with yourself, give yourself praise, and try to love yourself.
Maybe it's due to the environment I grew up in, but my brain doesn't really accept that. It feels delusional at best and vain at worst. Like, "if I truly deserve praise, other should have given it" or "noting my strengths will make me prideful and arrogant."
I feel like there should be a middle ground between extremes, but I can't really notice where the line is. CBT is all about using reason and evidence to address negative thinking. But alot of the assertions cognitive therapists make about loving yourself also seem unreasonable in my head.
Has anyone struggled with this?
I feel similar to you. If you ever find a solution tell me about it
@birdpersonnoooo
Thanks for sharing this. I have (and continue to) struggle with this issue as well. With me, I always feel really arrogant when I try to think positively about myself, or feel like I am outright lying to myself, which makes me feel even worse.
What has helped me is to try it in small steps. Let's say there was a situation which went OK for you, could have been better but not too bad anyway. Many of these positivity suggestions are too much for me. I cannot tell myself "I have done great now!" Or "I am loved, valued, cared for, etc!" etc. Just start with small things like "I have done OK in this situation, and next time it might be even better."
Over time it improves and you can gradually ontinue to think more positively.
Also keep in mind it might not improve everyday in a straight line, but it will get better in the long run. At least that's what I try to remember, so if a bad day or two come along, I don't need to feel like I have destroyed all of my progress.
Keep at it. Fingers crossed : )
Thank you for your thoughts, I will certainly give this a try.
