Feeling debilitated. Any advice, please (maybe triggering...if so, I am sorry)
I was improving with my mood but then some things happened. Firstly, I was mugged about 6 weeks ago and had my phone taken. I could have gotten over the money but my phone had so much in it that meant a lot. Then my PIP was turned down. I got 0 points and on the report there was so much that wasn't correct. Going back to the phone when I finally managed to get a new one I tried to add my ex-fiance on a chat app (we were still on friendly terms, but I was living abroad when I met her and after the break-up I became so depressed I had to move back home. Anyhow, we would chat sometimes and she even called me once. I thought we could still be friends and if I went back someday she'd even mentioned meeting up. But, when I tried to add her on this new phone there was nothing. I miss her terribly but if she wanted to break all contact I would respect that. Now I'm worried though. I guess I will never get to speak to her again, even just for some kind of closure. Now I feel myself slipping back into depression. Hopelessness, loneliness, it's coming back. I either feel panic or just complete disassociation. Am tired all the time and I don't know what to do because everything I enjoy I don't at the moment. Can't even watch the television. Sometimes tearful, sometimes completely numb. I've gone back to self-harm although they're just superficial cuts. I don't want scars, but it doesn't help for long. I feel like giving up :( I can find myself in some very dark places when I just want to stay in my room. I've been told to ring up the crisis team when I feel like this but phoning strangers makes me so anxious I don't even know if I could express myself if I do. I'm going to go to the GP tomorrow and tell them, even that I've started to struggle with suicidal thoughts but I'm scared. It feels like a task to even leave the house at the moment and I don't know what they'll do. I'm already on the highest dose of anti-depressent and have been on so many others. I'm worried they will think I'm wasting their time and dismiss me. I'm going to be letting my friends down who have said I've been doing so well recently...it feels like I wear a mask at times to hide this depression. It all feels overwhelming at the moment
@nn7
You are feeling very alone and helpless as you are not able to handle it. I too had experience it many time. It very tough phase to overcome.
It's a point where you have to tell your mind I need to be happy and you stop making me bother by giving negative thought.
You are dependent on your ex to make you feel good and all of sudden disconnection had taken you back to depression.
See it true ,it is not so easy to forget or live without that person whom we feel the most comfortable. Whom we love a lot. But the hard fact it should be both way. So once you feel better try to come out from these dependency. Nowadays nobody like dependent person as everybody have their own issue to deal with and all look for positive shoulder.
You need to be positive shoulder for your friend who really care for you. For them stand once again . Try to be positive. It will take Time right now r not comfortable with your ownself. Look in the mirror and say I love you. I care for you and I am not gonna let the mirror guy fail or depressed.
God bless you. Take care. Sorry if anyway I hurt you.