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nn7
295 M Embraced 2
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 22, 2017
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Anxiety triggered
Anxiety Support / by nn7
Last post
 January 15th, 2024
...See more I don’t know if anxiety triggers feeling depressed or the other way around.  I’m struggling with both at the moment and I really want to talk to someone but it’s late here and there is no one.  There’s the crisis team but I’m not in crisis, just struggling with one of my friends I’ve known for a number of years from work who is changing jobs soon and I don’t want the friendship to end.  I know it probably sounds trivial.  This friend is someone I often confide in and I struggle doing that with other people.  I like and get on with a lot of people, but there are only a few I would consider actual friends.  I value connection.  Often I’m the listener in my other friendships, which is an honour and something I’m always willing to do…but sometimes I just want to open up about my own things and not have the subject changed.  It’s like I want to be heard.  I’m so thrilled for this friend and the new opportunities ahead, I really wish them success and happiness and I’m happy that they are finding those things…but I’m also feeling sad.  I’m feeling anxious about them not being there, and I’m worried people will think it is strange if I tell them.  Just wanted to get that off my chest.  I’m not always great at checking messages on here.  But if there is anyone out there who wants to I will read and reply.  Nights can feel very lonely 
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How do I stop intense mood swings?
Depression Support / by nn7
Last post
 June 11th, 2019
...See more Hi everyone, Thank you for clicking my post. I kind of feel I need to express some of the things effecting me and it seems easier with people I dont personally know. I go to a group therapy every week at the hospital, but the things that really effect me I dont feel I can say because my things are trivial to some of theirs, so every week I just think of trivial things to share and therefore its not really helping that much. Maybe I dont feel comfortable in the group. But I need to just express to someone because its horrible suffering in silence. I guess its cathartic to just express myself without being scared of being judged and I understand everyone suffers things, I tell myself a lot but I cant seem to stop the things that affect me from hurting. I just want to get all this off my chest. Im 35 years old and have either not achieved anything or the things I did want from life I had and lost. I taught English in China for 5 years...maybe it was a mistake because of my mental health problems but I did and was happy for most of it. I met a girl and fell deeply in love (Ive not had many girlfriends as Im quite a shy person) we got engaged. Then one day she messaged me to break it off. Im sure everyone has been heartbroken, but Ive never been able to get over it. Stuff happened in childhood which left me with abandonment fears which probably didnt help. It really hurts how much I miss her, and I just want to talk but I dont send many messages because I want to respect her decision. Any messages we exchange are fleeting and superficial. Ive had bouts of depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. I thought maybe I could someday find someone but I have nothing to offer (I dont have a job, had to return home to my mums because of a breakdown and living on sickness benefit...Im trying to change that though by looking for my own place nearby and volunteering opportunities with the hope of getting back into employment but I feel so lonely at times and am not getting any younger...most people have partners, a settled life etc) Theres a charity place I go to most weekdays that help people with depression, isolation, addiction problems etc where we do art, creative writing etc and I really enjoy there. The people are so kind and I have a love for creative things, so when Im there Im usually ok but outside I get these really severe mood swings from feeling ok to feeling very depressed/anxious. The low drops are so low I even get suicidal thoughts. How do people on here manage mood swings? I feel Im letting everyone down because people are helping me so I should be getting better. Anyhow, I hope you all dont mind me just typing my feelings. I felt I needed to tell someone. Keep in there. Thank you for reading
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Feeling debilitated. Any advice, please (maybe triggering...if so, I am sorry)
Depression Support / by nn7
Last post
 June 18th, 2018
...See more I was improving with my mood but then some things happened. Firstly, I was mugged about 6 weeks ago and had my phone taken. I could have gotten over the money but my phone had so much in it that meant a lot. Then my PIP was turned down. I got 0 points and on the report there was so much that wasn't correct. Going back to the phone when I finally managed to get a new one I tried to add my ex-fiance on a chat app (we were still on friendly terms, but I was living abroad when I met her and after the break-up I became so depressed I had to move back home. Anyhow, we would chat sometimes and she even called me once. I thought we could still be friends and if I went back someday she'd even mentioned meeting up. But, when I tried to add her on this new phone there was nothing. I miss her terribly but if she wanted to break all contact I would respect that. Now I'm worried though. I guess I will never get to speak to her again, even just for some kind of closure. Now I feel myself slipping back into depression. Hopelessness, loneliness, it's coming back. I either feel panic or just complete disassociation. Am tired all the time and I don't know what to do because everything I enjoy I don't at the moment. Can't even watch the television. Sometimes tearful, sometimes completely numb. I've gone back to self-harm although they're just superficial cuts. I don't want scars, but it doesn't help for long. I feel like giving up :( I can find myself in some very dark places when I just want to stay in my room. I've been told to ring up the crisis team when I feel like this but phoning strangers makes me so anxious I don't even know if I could express myself if I do. I'm going to go to the GP tomorrow and tell them, even that I've started to struggle with suicidal thoughts but I'm scared. It feels like a task to even leave the house at the moment and I don't know what they'll do. I'm already on the highest dose of anti-depressent and have been on so many others. I'm worried they will think I'm wasting their time and dismiss me. I'm going to be letting my friends down who have said I've been doing so well recently...it feels like I wear a mask at times to hide this depression. It all feels overwhelming at the moment
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