Feeling so hopeless.

I quit my full-time job to get training for a better job. What was supposed to be 1 1/2 years is going to be 2+ years because I just bombed at my internship. Maybe it's 100% because I'm incapable and should just go back to my old job, but the person I'm working with is pretty cruel to me and my confidence and passion for this field have been destroyed over the last couple of months or so. I'm not sure what to do...I have no idea if the loss of confidence/passion is just because of the situation or if I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll just never be good enough and how much more time should I waste here? Will confidence/passion ever return? Or am I just wasting my money/time?

I feel like such a loser too especially since I'm in my early 30s...because of the training I only work part-time and on commission, which is looked down upon. I feel awful about not being successful in the internship, for not having the skills I was supposed to have, to being compared to the level of a 19-year-old college sophomore. I'm tired of being shamed and being blamed for everything 100%.

The stress, anxiety, and depression caused by this situation and working with this person led me to have physical symptoms and almost led me to a breakdown so I pulled back. The university won't believe me that things would improve if I were in a different environment. They believe that I'm just willfully not listening or something but I am doing the BEST I CAN! How many people are actually going to be successful when someone keeps telling you that they're going to fail you, that you're terrible at this and that, and gets MAD at you if you falter a little bit and have an off day. When you're working with someone who BERATES you for lacking confidence. I can't express how poor the report is between the two of us, but the important thing is no one at the university (except for the one on leave of course) believes me! It's just 100% my fault for being awful! I guess I deserve to be treated like garbage?

This is pretty much destroying my life right now...I'm almost too ashamed to ever make friends again or socialize. I'm so ashamed about having graduate degrees and just being too inept to do anything. I should have never tried to improve my life and get a better job...I should know my place by now and not try to rise above it. I'm clearly incapable.

I go back on Monday part-time instead of full. I don't know if I'm ready to go back to all that blame and shame. Should I even bother? I don't know if my passion will ever return...it's gotten beaten out of me.

I guess I should also mention that I feel hopeless about ever having a partner/family because of this situation and because of not being cisgender and not passing, so I'll never attract the right people anyway or I'll have to pretend to be something I'm not (a girl) like I have in a long-term relationship in the past.

Everything is so frustrating and hopeless and I'm just failing at EVERYTHING and everything has just gotten worse and WORSE. I don't know what to do.