Feeling very depressed about family and holidays and had a panic attack
This might be long, I'm sorry.
I'm having a very hard time. I'm 25 and stuck living at home. I have no job and probably can't work because I have a chronic illness and I'm so anxious. I can't even drive. I take some classes at the local community college but I can only take a couple classes at a time.
I have a toxic relationship with my parents. Especially my mom. I'm in desperate need to get away from her but I still need her help for a lot of things. She and my step-dad act like they are a team and I'm nothing. If I have a panic attack or a meltdown they go away and talk about it with each other. I don't have anyone who helps me out. I don't even get hugs. I have no friends or extended family. I have a brother who lives an hour away and doesn't understand at all. He doesn't want to hear about it, and when I tell him anything at all he puts the blame on me whether it's deserved or not.
It's Christmas eve eve. For thanksgiving the decision was between going to my brothers house again where he treats us like second class or going to a fun brunch alone. I was very anxious over it but had no control. They randomly invited my step-dads sister and it got worse. I can't stand her! I had a lot of panic attacks. I wound up going and I didn't want to do it again.
Christmas. Finally going to see my brother. Thought maybe we'd have fun. Parents randomly tell me she's invited again. Today. I have no say, no control. Nothing. I'm not even worth discussing it with.
I feel worthless
Dear Loyal,
That is a tough spot to be in with your parents, and your brother. I hope you "make it" through the Holidays with a minimum of panic. For a lot of us the Holidays just make everything harder to cope with, and it isn't a jolly time at all.I'll say a little prayer for you if that's OK.
The one other place that you mentioned was college. Even if you don't have family support, you might look for some support there when you get back to classes. Is there anyone in a class that you might reach out t o- as a friend or maybe a study buddy? Is there counseling available at college? Or perhaps even a teacher or professor that leads a class that you really like. We all need someone to listen and just "be" without criticism. I think you took a good step reaching out to us here, and we are pulling for you to get stronger. You are NOT worthless .. that's for sure. I listened to you and it wasn't too long. No need to even think that. Please check back in with us and let us know how the family visits went. Sending a big warm hug.
