Feel not worthy enough
Sorry I needed to some advice or help on anything what I wanna talk about. I feel like people get in a mood with me just generally for no reason. I'm a good person who is kind and down to earth. I'm helpful too but I've been seeing that people have just been rude to me and not nice. Like little things one day wanting to sit next someone on bus but said there's plenty of seats a bit rude. The other at work trying to be helpful and point the customer in where they would thing the garments they just said some people so rude, the other was in work too saying I don't smile and looked bored. I really don't. This is what I mean. I have to justify myself to everyone to prove a point. If I look bored I am made to look unfriendly, if I look happy and doing my job I'm made to not to be helpful. As they told me others have that you can't win at my work place and it's true. Not just my work cuz I like the job and mostly people but it's out on the streets. If I'm ever rude to anyone I hear about it but can't be rude to them but they can with me. I feel like I can't be myself anytime at all. I've been speaking to my counselor who recently just started seeing and he completely understands me says and been through same. He was saying you get some nice people and some don't but been saying it's like everyone just holds something against me that I shouldn't even exist or be part of them. I find that also in group events that people push me away and don't talk to me. Ok I don't talk to them but no one has ever come up to me and been interested talking to me and getting to know me as a friend it's always me what has to change and I'm sick of it. People shouldn't be getting away with how making someone like me feel. With this being a support site and everyone feeling same emotions to point they should just give us a break as I don't believe they start anything but it's how they go on about it and I'm getting annoyed everytime I go out something is gonna happen I don't like. Going to work on bus, bumping into someone who is rude, feeling afraid I'm gonna do something wrong at work. Someone being horrible to me or laughing at me cuz I'm not like them and out me down. Anything to low my self esteem and that's why counsellor been helping me with that and he's good. I'm not sure what to do when I get in situations like this? What do you do? Also I get down sometimes out of the blue line if I see my bf I after get upset cuz he's gone and feel lonely but when I don't see him I can get down for whatever reason that my mind hasn't gone the way I want it to think. Luckily I'm looking forward to Xmas but the pressures are there and worried if nothing will go right. I feel like a failure in myself cuz I'm never good enough it seems in this world. I struggle making friends and talking to people. It's had alot to do with my past but if the past is still haunting me what can I do about it? Please help me? I'm looking forward to future with me and bf and setting goals which been doing for next year. I feel like nothings changing and when I feel something is getting somewhere it takes a backwards step. Why? And thank you for listening. Sorry for long message
@sensitiveSailboat @TreasureSeekers3
Firstly, you don't have to read this or listen at all. I just really related to what you were saying. Also it's a little long.
But yeah, I can vouch for what sensitiveSailboat is saying. There's a bunch of other reasons as well. Some people are immature, some have ridiculous reasons to be that way. Sometimes people may have misunderstood and reacted on assumption. Sometimes people are having a bad day.
However, it's completely valid for you to feel hurt by it. Workplaces can especially have some really vicious people.
They have no obligations to like/dislike you, but you have a right to feel about it however you wish as well. Additionally, even if we dislike someone, choices made by that aren't at all necessary.
Hopefully though, you don't let this dictate your life. You can't change other people. But they can't expect you to change for them either. It's a two way street. Sometimes, humans are very self centered. These other people are going about their lives, perhaps treating you like you're nothing. But it's the same the other way around too. Really. If they had died, you'd never know. Not even being mean. You have no relevance to them- but they don't really have relevance to you, either.
(Or so I hope. One sided relationships are even worse.) You can't change their behaviors. But in the big, cosmic, picture, they don't actually mean anything either. Even for a popular, worldwide celebrity...there's someone out there who doesn't know them. And doesn't care to.
Speaking from experience though, it's easier said than done. Sounds like a long-time reccurance...I'm in that boat too.
Perhaps you could try putting time into things that aren't people related. That's what I'm doing.
As well as becoming the person you want to have met, as cheesy as it is. Your kindness may be a strength they don't have. And you've still gotten up and tried even after all the rejection. I admire that a lot, as someone who threw the towel in recently. These are special strengths you possess. You may consider that maybe, getting along with these people who act carelessly on impulse of how they feel, isn't a good thing. Because it sounds like you didn't lash out despite their cruel choice. Yes, you're the bigger person- but more importantly, it may indicate that you don't need to be at their level at all.
You've also got more time than other people to do what you want. No obligations, either. Maybe positive for you, maybe negative. Just saying that technically you can put these to your use. Not everyone has those opportunities, I suppose.
Whatever your choice is, I hope it goes okay for you. I hope too, that you can find contentment somehow. Loneliness is crushing.
Speaking from experience (that I am still experiencing) this moment.
