First day of school with anxiety and depression

September 8th 2022

today was my first day of school, I was pretty anxious to go back since I had lost most of my friends during the summer due to arguments in our group. I only have about two friends with all honesty. Not only that but I've been battling depression and ptsd for about a year and a half now, and I've dealt with anxiety for years beforehand

i woke up I was ready to go, I was fresh I looked great and I was ready to make my own way in the school

the day started off I sat with my two friends but still gained a lot of glares from my old friends, some didn't even wave back when I did and pretended I wasn’t there, it hurt to say the least but I avoided it. i soon realized I only have one class with one of my

friends and I'd have to be alone in the rest, this set me off guard horribly and I started to worry about what was to come for this year, I felt like everything was going to collapse right on my back.

i carried on with the day and during the break time a few senior girls approached me, they were really sweet honestly and they shared their candy with me and followed me on my socials and one of them

complimented my eyes and said she wanted to draw me, I was so flattered but I was so scared and still am. Why did they approach Me? I was sitting alone did i look like the fucking loser I always do? I was so awkward and quiet I don't know how they were nice enough to put up with me. I was so scared

the break times were horrifyingly over crowded, our school moved campuses so I got lost a few times and everything is just so complicated and broken in this new "unimproved" campus.

after that I remember having chemistry, I made a friend and he was pretty nice we talked throughout the day multiple times but chemistry was the first lesson where my anxiety started to control and overtake me. I teared up in chemistry but no one saw thankfully. After that I had another class and thankfully I was with one of my friends, that's when things got bad, there was a problem with the seating and admissions to the class and my name wasn't on the list and I panicked, I was never going

to see my friend, I would have to switch and stay alone and completely change my schedule would lose all my progress.

i panicked and teared up again but thankfully my name turned to be on the list. After that class I was in tears and some people noticed and glanced, I had

physics but ditched and went to biology instead since I was going to drop physics anyway. That's when it got even worse, my friend from chemistry was in my class and he and my ex best friend started talking. I was afraid, what if rumors and

talks about me spread? What if my horrible

reputation around my old class and friend group reaches to everyone and I'm left alone, lonely, hated and looked down upon.

im horribly panicked and paranoid and all the stress from the day caught upon me and I practically ran and sobbed in the bathroom stall, the bathroom was so dirty and the flushes wouldn't even work I got lucky and was in a good, clean stall. I cried so

much my skin broke out and my eyes were red and I felt sick to my stomach. I left the bathroom and a teacher noticed so clearly what was wrong and asked me if I was okay and again I completely broke down to her

she didn't do much and let me go back to class, I go back to find the class empty, the entire class left to take a tour of the campus, I was alone, thank god. I pulled out my Peter Pan book and cried while reading, when a new girl name in and sat as well.

She knew I was crying and gave me some tissues god I felt like such a freak, I'm making horrible impressions already and I won't be surprised if everyone looks at me as the whiny crybaby and makes fun of me for it.

many teachers noticed my nose was bright red and asked what was wrong, I lied and said I had a flu. The second break accrued and the senior girls sat by me again, I was happy for that and we talked

about books since they've seen me ready a lot. I was so happy to be by them but I was not calm one bit and was panicking inside, what if they secretly hate me? What if they just approached me because I seemed sad? Am I really that awkward?

finally break was over and I had language class. It was fine I only teared up a little bit and then I just headed home. so yeah I got home and broke down completely to

the point that I got sick and sleep disturbance, now I'm completely fucked

That's all. Im fucking paranoid as fuck writing this, what if all my fears and thoughts come true because I wrote this down? What if I jinxed everything and now everyone's going to hate me?

What if I'm going to end up falling worse into my depression. Help please help, what if this story gets to them? What if i jinxed it all and my life will become a daily living hell. Help.