Fog
No matter how well I do in my hobbies and work and all, a never ending dread follows. The harder I try and push to ignore it, the more the issues worsen. I've been fighting depression for some years now, and can't afford therapy. It feels like I only feel something when it's right in front of me, and otherwise everything is covered in a fog. I don't know it's going to be okay until it is okay, and then after that I don't know again. I know it's irrational, but how do I escape this feeling of dread that I'm going to fail no matter what, when when I know it's not true? I'm 19 btw, and I've been fighting depression since I was 13. I thought it would go away as I got better at my creative work and making cool stuff and meeting/working with cool people, and yet I only feel more helpless that there is no cure for this problem of mine.
@honestDrum9553 What does the dread feel like? Are there specific thoughts or physical sensations associated with it?
@Alia3475 It's like no matter how hard I try, I'll still never be good enough. Even with compliments, my head is going "I don't deserve these". I know it's irrational, and sometimes the waves are worse than others. Sometimes it's only noticeable at certain times, and sometimes it's noticeable all the time. It's as if I'm living for others, not myself, and if I fail someone else I fail as a human being. And the dread is fear of failure. Thanks for commenting btw, it feels good knowing someone is there to ask me about it
