Greiving my life in NY

Good Evening People of Earth!

I realized something very important tonight and it feels like so much weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

My boyfriend was not happy in NY. He hated his job, he had no family around, his ex took his kids to another state, and he was depressed. So I encouraged him to find work elsewhere. I did not mind moving if it meant he was happy. I had a job I enjoyed, I was close to my family and I was living comfortably. I was happy.

I was confident he would find a new job somewhere else but not so quickly. I was really happy and excited for him. I moved a month after he did but a week before I was planning to. I got into an accident because a guy decided to run through a stop sign. This guy tried blaming me but that did not work. Nothing he said added up. But still, my car was totaled so I could not drive down to Virginia when I wanted to. Luckily I had gaps insurance so I came out even. However, I did not have any money saved up so I could not get a new car. This guy screwed me over.

So I moved to a new state, away from my family, no car, no job, having to rely completely on my boyfriend. Having to rely on someone is a new concept for me. I've been taking care of my self since I was 16. I quickly got depressed, my anxiety became out of control, and I'd drink to the point where my anger would take over. I couldn't control myself.

My boyfriend kept asking me what was going on but I didn't know. I didn't know how to explain what I was feeling. I didn't know what I was dealing with. I just knew my emotions were out of control.

Today it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was/am grieving my life in NY. I had everything I needed. I was happy. I gave it all up.

I don't regret moving. I knew I had to support my boyfriend in his time of need. Now he is happier then I've ever seen him. His entire demeanor has changed for the better. He is now the one supporting me.

Just know what I've been dealing with, understanding my emotions better, makes me feel so much better.

It was a sigh of relief for me.