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Confidentwolf
276 M Embraced 2
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts25 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2019 Member sinceFebruary 4, 2019
Bio

I'm suffering from anxiety and depression. I feel like I could benefit from professional help but since I am in between jobs, I can not afford it at the moment. So I have come here to open up.

Recent forum posts
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Greiving my life in NY
Depression Support / by Confidentwolf
Last post
 April 8th, 2020
...See more Good Evening People of Earth! I realized something very important tonight and it feels like so much weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. My boyfriend was not happy in NY. He hated his job, he had no family around, his ex took his kids to another state, and he was depressed. So I encouraged him to find work elsewhere. I did not mind moving if it meant he was happy. I had a job I enjoyed, I was close to my family and I was living comfortably. I was happy. I was confident he would find a new job somewhere else but not so quickly. I was really happy and excited for him. I moved a month after he did but a week before I was planning to. I got into an accident because a guy decided to run through a stop sign. This guy tried blaming me but that did not work. Nothing he said added up. But still, my car was totaled so I could not drive down to Virginia when I wanted to. Luckily I had gaps insurance so I came out even. However, I did not have any money saved up so I could not get a new car. This guy screwed me over. So I moved to a new state, away from my family, no car, no job, having to rely completely on my boyfriend. Having to rely on someone is a new concept for me. I've been taking care of my self since I was 16. I quickly got depressed, my anxiety became out of control, and I'd drink to the point where my anger would take over. I couldn't control myself. My boyfriend kept asking me what was going on but I didn't know. I didn't know how to explain what I was feeling. I didn't know what I was dealing with. I just knew my emotions were out of control. Today it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was/am grieving my life in NY. I had everything I needed. I was happy. I gave it all up. I don't regret moving. I knew I had to support my boyfriend in his time of need. Now he is happier then I've ever seen him. His entire demeanor has changed for the better. He is now the one supporting me. Just know what I've been dealing with, understanding my emotions better, makes me feel so much better. It was a sigh of relief for me.
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Anxiety with my sex life.
Anxiety Support / by Confidentwolf
Last post
 February 4th, 2019
...See more Right now I am in between jobs so I have too much time on my hands. My boyfriend works over nights so we have opposite sleeping schedules. I am constantly anxious that hes just gonna wake up and masterbate to what ever, rather then having sex with me. That has never been a concern before but I know when he does it because of the socks in laundry. He doesn't have sex with me unless I question him about being sexually attracted to me. I try and make the first move but he turns me down so I don't feel like I can make the first move. We went 2 weeks with out sex, which is weird for us. He's always on his phone so Im paranoid hes talking to other girls. Hes not and theres never been anything to confirm him cheating on me. Its just me being paranoid. He's masterbated in the past but I never care. I dont care if he does masterbate, I do it. But when all he is doing is masterbating and not paying any mind to me is what upsets me. Im paranoid hes always doing it and I'm paranoid hes cheating when there is nothing to back this up. I feel like because I dont have a job right now, Im just finding things to obsess over and I know its not healthy, but I don't know what to do. I've started hating technology because it does not help with trust. And I want to be able to trust him. I want to feel wanted. I don't know how to cope with these emotions right now so I've been bottling them up and allowing myself to become depressed.
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I think I hit my low point.
Addiction Support / by Confidentwolf
Last post
 February 24th, 2019
...See more I don't drink all of the time, only socially but when I do I don't know when to stop. My boyfriend and I had a lot of wine the other night. Me more than him. When I drink and get drunk, I lose control of my emotions. One or two drinks, I'm fine. But If I'm drunk I start fights for no reason. Most of the time I don't even remember why I was upset to begin with. Anyways I grabbed the wheel while we were driving home. I don't remember why. I do know I wanted to crash the car and hurt both of us. I don't know what the reasoning was. My boyfriend doesn't think alcohol was the reason for this. Im not blaming the clohol entirely. I understand theres some under lying issue that I need to deal with but I don't know what it is. So I told him I'd stop drinking. I only lash out and get angry when I drink. In general I am a depressed person and I deal with a lot of anxiety. I can control it when I'm sober. I believe I need professional help and would benefit from a theropist but since I am in between jobs and waiting for my health insurance to be approved, I have nothing. So here I am reching out for help.
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