Hard days

So today, I woke up horribly depressed and insanely weak. I havent felt like this in awhile and somehow, even 50mg of prozac isnt working now.

Its hard to explain depression, because I never really know why or when itll hit me. But Im so sick of that annoying sinking feeling, giving in and just curling up like all my problems will go away if I just stay under the covers.

Sometimes, its hard to tell if depression is ruining my life or Im doing all of it on my own. I dont think people understand how much I would give just to feel okay again. Waking up with depression is like opening your eyes and realising youre in hell and feeling like youd rather you didnt wake up at all. When I wake up with depression, I just want to curl up and cry and find a space where I can feel safe. But I know I cant, because as long as Im me, Im already in danger. I just want whatever Im feeling to go away. With depressed mornings, I cant even find the strength to tell myself that Im okay and I can start the day right. Its too much, too overbearing to even coax myself out of bed. So I just lie there and let time waste away.