Have you ever had this feeling? 🍀

Hello all, I haven't posted like in so many months. I had a feeling to post this though recently. I know it's kinda weird, but have you too felt this way at any point of time? 😮

I have struggling with ocd ( obsessive compulsive disorder) and depression for many years. I have often fluctuated from being a bit better to worse. But recently it's been going really worse.. The intrusive thoughts are making me go crazy, they are always in my head and it's a constant war with my own mind. It hurts really really bad..

I was one day sitting at the window some days ago in my room. The window was near a pond ( kinda like a swamp) and there are some big trees. It's kinda beautiful in a way. I was looking a tree and suddenly a thought struck me. Trees have brain and they have life in them. They too feel pain, but do they feel emotions? Or suffer from intrusive thoughts? Do they have depression or feel so bad mental pain or do they have to be at a constant fight with their mind always or at any moment?

The answer I got was No. They don't. They are at peace. They may get parasites or get cut or fall due to storm, and die. But they die only one time. They are at no fights or have so many bad thoughts or anything. They just grow up and live to their full ages, some 10 years to some 100 years. But they live in peace, without any mental health disorders or physical (most of the time).

I thought that it would have been so so much better and peaceful to be a tree, to have your leaves touched by the wind, standing in the rain and feeling it without the worry of anything, feeling the sun to the out most and having squirrels and birds make nest on you and provide fruits and other things without the worry of getting back stabbed or betrayed. You don't have any worries, because you don't have any emotions nor you feel the pain of having it. You are at peace.

I know that not having any emotions make you feel nothing, not even happiness. But at least you are not hurt deep inside of you heart that it breaks and without any thoughts you dont have to be tortured mentally by your thoughts which you can not control.

Thinking of being a tree, mostly a banyan, kinda brings me peace. 💙

I know what I wrote here won't be read or seen by anyone, and it's really cringe and weird. But I just wanted to say this and I am not so good at explaining things so if anyone read this by chance, I am sorry for any inconvenience.

Wow this was really long. Thank you for reading this if you did, here's some snacks for you : 🍘🍙🥗🍝🍩🍪🍧🍫🍦🍰🍬🍭☕🥛

Take care and have a great day or night! 💙