Help?
I don't know if you could say I have depression because I'm always laughing and smiling and I guess that's all that my mom sees. I used to talk to a therapist for like 5 years because my parents were getting divorced and it was really messy and just a terrible situation for the whole family. But my mom thinks that I don't need to talk to anyone anymore, even though I've asked her many times,because she thinks "I'm fine".I used to be a tough girl that didn't care what people thoughtabout me and I was the best player on volleyball and lacrosse and my goal was always to be better than everyone else and I was so confident. Well this year I'm on varsity and since volleyball started this year, I just am not the same when I play. I am now terrified to step on the court because I'm afraid of making mistakes and I have no confidence in my abilities anymore. I don't even get excited to play anymore and this was my favorite sport just a few months ago. I thought it was just something that I would get over as the season continued and it was just pregame jitters and nerves. But as the season goes on, I can't shake it off and I just always feel like I'm not good enough and I have no motivation to even try to be better. I'm always tired and never have energy anymore and I'm just losing hope in myself because I don't want to accomplish my goals or do anything for myself anymore. I'm genuinely afraid of the person I'm becoming and I really would like some advice...
I've never witnessed a divorce so i can't even pretend to imagine how that feels. but hey, you're still here, tht shows you're strong and willing to share your problems and ask for help. thats a good thing.
I can however relate to the loss of confidence. I used to be rock solid as well, nothing most people say could hurt me. I just didnt care what a majority of people thought of me.
But now I do, I'm afraid. I feel everything is my fault. I fear messing up and getting blamed. I think it might be an age thing, I'm in university too.
Or it could be that you've reached the spill point. Like you've been able to be so strong before cause there was still space to hold it in but now its spilling over.
Anyway, do something that would regain your confidence. I don't play team-type sports so what worked for me probably won't for you. Anyway do something you enjoy and know you can do well (or at least do well with practice)
also, meet up with a friend (or talk to one of the listeners here) about your happier moments. Treat yourself to an ice cream or something.
You said you were better than your team mates so you're obviously skilled and the skill is still there. Its just that your mind has put them behind a locked door. So just think positively and put yourself back out there. It takes a lot but to get better you yourself have to take the 1st step.
I kind of feel the exact same way only with my art, I've just lost all confidence and everything I draw just looks terrible to me and I dread even doing it anymore. The only reason I started drawing in the first place was because I thought I was really great at it and I guess I was but now I just have no desire to do it because everything looks bad.I didn't think my parents divorce had any effect on me at first, becuase my dad and I weren't close AT ALL, but then as it went on (the divorce lastedfor eight years and started when I was three) I just felt worse and worse about everything I did. My family doesn't notice anything wrong with me, and I don't think I have depression, I just don't understand what's happening to me, I just need to talk to someone to find out what this feeling is. And how to fix it. I hope you talk to someone about how you're feeling, being aware that you need to talk is a really good step to getting happier, good luck on the journey!
Trappedhere, I know how you feel! I was a baseball player during my high school years. Every year i played baseball , from little league on up, i made the allstar team. In the summer after both my sophomore and junior years, i was chosen for allstars and my coach pulled me aside and told me there would be college and pro scouts there. That told me that he and others saw something in me. My dad would not let me go either time. My dad also broke me up with the girl i loved the most. Thats on top of him sexually molesting me when i was 11 years old. He took everything i loved away from me.
What im trying to tell you i guess is, that if you have that kind of talent, DO NOT WASTE IT!!!! You need to shake it off. You need to focus and be what you used to be. You need to go out there and show everybody you are a winner and dominate them. My dad ruined my dreams and i regret not fighting to keep them after i got away from him. I believe you can do it even if nobody else does. Even if youre not going to do it for anyone else do it for yourself! Dont just throw it all away or you will regret it like me when you get older.
I can understand how you are feeling and this must be a very hard time for you but you have to learn no one is perfect ,we all go through good and bad phases in our lives and they can effect us all in different ways . But what you can do is learn from them and try to move on , this divorce between your parents has obviously effected you andimpacted your day to day life but you have to understand that it was a phase in your life that you can grow from and try to putbehind you. I know it's very easy said that done but you have to take one day at a time and slowly build your confidence . Think about the present and try to stand on your own two feet again. Wish you the best of luck and if you need someone to talk to you can always connect with me
sabah123
