How I lost my job, my wife, my kids, my home, and tried to commit suicide twice.

We start in August 16th . I was with Working America, doing door to door election campaign polling. I suddenly could not walk and I had a from meniscus. Since it was at work I went through workers compensation. I got paid for lost wages but every appointment took forever to get approved. October 1st I got my surgery. Then I was given eight weeks of physical therapy. In the meantime, in November, the office was closed and everybody was laid off at work. It was both physically and emotionally exhausting.

In December I had three interviews, but nothing panned out. I joined various activist groups like Washtenaw Reds, BAMN, AA2Ferguson, and Freedom Michigan on various protest marches, letter writing campaigns, and including marching in Ferguson.

In January, our health insurance cut off. No reason at all. Our case worker was either fired or quit, but our insurance was left in limbo. The problem is most of our medication is over $500 or more. So we were off all of our medication for a month. With Sydney being bipolar and etc. This really did a number on her. Not only not having her medication, but going through withdrawal. During this time I promised to stop looking for a job to take care of her and the kids. It took three weeks of calls and voicemail and we finally got a new case worker, but still not insurance. So more calls to supervisors and we finally got our insurance back.

On the Feb 9th, Sydney passed out at a Walmart and hit her head. EMS came and everything and she refused treatment. Since December her blood levels are low and her iron is low. However, no matter how much I tried too encourage her to go to the hospital, she will not.

Then the next day after the kids were in bed, she goes on this rant about Valentines and make a bunch of expectations on me. It hurt my feelings in I wanted to talk about it. She refused, not only to listen or talk, but complete shut off the conversation. The thing about me is that I have this thing. When I get hurt, I do not cry. Instead I get this adrenaline rise and I start to yell. Sydney reacted badly and started to yell back. She threatened to kill me, kill herself and at least one of the kids. She got up and went into one of the kids rooms and I went behind her and grabbed her shoulders to try to stop her. She slipped on some laundry on the floor and fell down. The kids started screaming and reacting. ?You hurt mommy. You are a bully. You are a monster?, they yelled at me. One kid went downstairs and called the police. I locked myself in the bathroom with a pocket knife and tried to kill myself.

I spent the week at a psychiatric ward in a hospital, mile away from home. I told the social worker that was concerned with the safety of my kid with my wife and wanted them to check on them to see if they were okay. I spent the week telling doctors and counselors how I was overwhelmed by everything that happened in my life at the moment. I told them I did not want to kill myself, but was looking for a way out. They told me ihad unipolar ? all depression, no manic. They gave me lythum and I got realized with appointments to see outpatient treatment.

A week later, i saw the psychiatrist that suggested I have a form of ADHD. That would explain much of my childhood and why I don?t cry, but have adrenaline. This Wednesday I had a day of appointments and chores and came home to Sydney drunk and throwing up when she was supposed to be watching the kids. That made me mad. I went down to make dinner and Sydney stated shit and passed our in the living room. Summer threatened to call the police and kicked me seven times. Emily called me evil and punched me. Sydney then got halfway up and told the kids to run and that in was crazy and summer called to police. So back into the bathroom to cut myself.

She has taught the kids I am the evil one that I am a monster. They do not need to listen to me. So I find out at the ER that Sydney was not supposed to have me back in the first place that came back she would lose the kids. So when child protective services came again they made her sign a protective order against me. I cannot see the kids ever again. Even though I did not hurt them.

Instead of being sent back to the psych ward, I was realized to my mom?s with the promise I would continue my outpatient treatment. After all I just started and had not had a chance to see that through yet beyond the first intake appointment.

So there I am. I lost my wife, my kids, my home, my job, and am living in a guest room at my mother?s who fucked up my childhood that I had years of therapy just eating with that. I have no idea what my intentions are. I am just alone and sad.