How do I stop intense mood swings?

Hi everyone,

Thank you for clicking my post. I kind of feel I need to express some of the things effecting me and it seems easier with people I dont personally know. I go to a group therapy every week at the hospital, but the things that really effect me I dont feel I can say because my things are trivial to some of theirs, so every week I just think of trivial things to share and therefore its not really helping that much. Maybe I dont feel comfortable in the group. But I need to just express to someone because its horrible suffering in silence. I guess its cathartic to just express myself without being scared of being judged and I understand everyone suffers things, I tell myself a lot but I cant seem to stop the things that affect me from hurting. I just want to get all this off my chest.

Im 35 years old and have either not achieved anything or the things I did want from life I had and lost. I taught English in China for 5 years...maybe it was a mistake because of my mental health problems but I did and was happy for most of it. I met a girl and fell deeply in love (Ive not had many girlfriends as Im quite a shy person) we got engaged. Then one day she messaged me to break it off. Im sure everyone has been heartbroken, but Ive never been able to get over it. Stuff happened in childhood which left me with abandonment fears which probably didnt help. It really hurts how much I miss her, and I just want to talk but I dont send many messages because I want to respect her decision. Any messages we exchange are fleeting and superficial.

Ive had bouts of depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. I thought maybe I could someday find someone but I have nothing to offer (I dont have a job, had to return home to my mums because of a breakdown and living on sickness benefit...Im trying to change that though by looking for my own place nearby and volunteering opportunities with the hope of getting back into employment but I feel so lonely at times and am not getting any younger...most people have partners, a settled life etc)

Theres a charity place I go to most weekdays that help people with depression, isolation, addiction problems etc where we do art, creative writing etc and I really enjoy there. The people are so kind and I have a love for creative things, so when Im there Im usually ok but outside I get these really severe mood swings from feeling ok to feeling very depressed/anxious. The low drops are so low I even get suicidal thoughts. How do people on here manage mood swings? I feel Im letting everyone down because people are helping me so I should be getting better.

Anyhow, I hope you all dont mind me just typing my feelings. I felt I needed to tell someone. Keep in there. Thank you for reading