How to help my mum
My dad passed away three months back due to heart disease. As it was a sudden death, this news devastated my whole family, especially my mum who only relied on him for social support. I never had a good relationship with my mum. We always quarreled, and I always make her cry, things were tensed at home. My dad used to be my shield against my mum; whenever my mum and I quarrel, I can always rely on my dad to comfort her and be there for her but now that he is gone (plus the fact that I have to spend a lot more time with her now), I get really edgy and stressed out whenever she is around me.
The problem now is, she has no friends. She hates her job but she isn't quitting yet because she's waiting for the end-of-year bonus, and I struggle to make time for her as I have to juggle both full-time school and part-time work. She recently became really superstitious and kept finding ways to talk to my dad's "spirit". This goes against my values and belief (as I'm a Christian) and I really don't know how to approach her without feeling upset. I know she needs her space and she's using this to grief, but it is getting too much and I'm worried that she might get depression if she constantly has no support. My mental health is also taking a toll on me as I am constantly fighting between being upset, frustrated and mad when I am around her, and feelings of guilt and shame when I am not around her.
P.s. I tried bringing her to a support group but it didn't work out.
What should I do?
@secretOwl4258
If you are christian you know god will find a way...or not...
It is her way of coping with the trauma...we all have our bubble universes, some more expanded some not so much so...it is her refuge and way of dealing with things...
I wish life could have given you the opportunity to live way away from your mother and just help her materially...it breakes my spul to see mothers whom do not love and appreciate tgeir own kids, the beings that they gave life to...
I feel very very sad for you and I know what study and work means since I've done it my whole life...
Sorry...😔😔😔
@secretOwl4258 I am a Christian too so I understand when you say that what she is doing is against your belief
What I have always found helpful is to go ahead and talk to the person with out judgement. In other words, talk to your mom in a way you would want to be talked to/comforted if you were her. Communication is key to any relationship especially one like yours and your moms.
Right now, emotions are probably high because of the tragedy you and your mom are facing. But instead of trying to grieve seperately, try to grieve together. Grief can be very isolating - I know from personal experience. You're not alone! And I'm thankful that you are reaching out to this community.
Also what may be a good idea for you if to go through 7 Cups Grief Self Help guide either alone or with your mom. Here's a link to it https://www.7cups.com/grief/