I Can't Do Anything
I am really in love with my girlfriend, but I feel awful all the time. I often get annoyed for no reason at what she's saying. I can never explain how I feel, i don't think she know how badly I really feel. At this point I really want to kill myself, I already cut, and there's just no point. I will never be able to do the things I want with her, and because of how i act, it seems like she is just always tired of me. She doesn't think I care or want to listen to her, and every time she says things like that, it really crushes me. It's like she has all these pretenses about me, just like everyone seems to, I really thought she was different. I want to stay with her, but I feel so conflicted about things. Things will never pan out how we want, and I don't want to live. No one notices anything about me, or tries anything new to help, it's always the same lies. I am nothing, I am not great in any way, and I never will be. I mess up literally everything, so it would be better if I didn't exist.
I understand the basic feeling you are going through. It's a downward spiral, isn't it?.. . "She doesn't think I care or want to listen to her, and every time she says things like that, it really crushes me. It's like she has all these pretenses about me, just like everyone seems to" I truly understand how this feels. I recently broke up with my boyfriend dueto similar feelings, i just could not take the feelings of being imnadequate for him.I do not physically hurt myself. But i amaddicted to many things thatare somewhat harmful to me, this includes getting pierced.And what hit home was people pretending to care or pretending to be aboard when really it seems the opposite."I want to stay with her, but I feel so conflicted about things." I think you really do care about her." Things will never pan out how we want, and I don't want to live. No one notices anything about me, or tries anything new to help, it's always the same lies. I am nothing, I am not great in any way, and I never will be. I mess up literally everything, so it would be better if I didn't exist." (It is scary how precise these feelings are to my own)
I'm sorry you have similar feelings. It is just really annoying feeling bad about little things sometimes when they shouldn't really bother me.
Well of course. I get annoyed at the gardener and guess what for: for watering at night. Had a huge fight yesterday afternoon and worse, emotional perils are shunned in (our) black culture. People tend to take them so lightly. And so what do you ??? Lock yourself up?? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO...
I can relate. Depression has ruined many friendships and some of the most meaningful relationships ive had in my entire life. Its safe to say that led me down a long dark road to isolation and not wanting to be around anyone even the people who meant the most to me. I saw myself as a burden and just decided that if I stayed out of sight then maybe I can stay out of mind. I hope for both of you to NEVER give up and maybe we can all see this through together. It may sound cheesy but since getting here, ive realized im not alone and what makes this place so amazing is that we can all help each other through the rough waters.
I am so glad you posted what you are struggling with bc I can relate to many of the feelings and issues everyone here is talking about, it's nice to know we are not alone in this. I was really close to breaking it off with my bf of 4yrs bc my depression was ruining everything, I felt like I was a burden and he was not happy. Then I was l fortunate enough to bring my bf to a counseling session, and it has helped immensely. Even though we may not be doing everything my counselor asked... we both took some steps and things are improving. Sometimes its hard to explain to others what you are going through and you want to be invisible, but finding someone who can help you figure out how to share what you are feeling and experiencing to that special someone and how to approach things differently is worth it. I think there are some great listeners on 7cups of Tea that can help with relationship issues and depression. There is hope, so don't give up. I'm with JT2001... as cheesy as it sounds I think we can all help each other get through these rough challenges.
I think for me is because i literally grew up alone that it makes it SOOOO difficult to even be around people for too long. I am in a sphere where speaking about emotions and being all sad is a sign of weakness and "psychosis" (i don't know why but it seems being terminally sad in my family is indicative of something Embarrassing and to be ashamed of). So i was trained to smile and laugh in front of people, from as early as 6 years old, and to cover my emotional difficulties. Even when i was drowning, no one was there. I had to soldier up. NOW its a problem because i don't form good relationships and when i do, i can't keep them. I have issues with commitment, trust and opening up. I really do not believe things will get better for me
My gf is really great about sticking with me even though there is nothing good about me, and i feel really bad most of the time. She got me to go to church and youth group with her, and i appreciate her effort. Church for me just makes me feel worse since I feel so alone. She always leans away and never talks to me during it, if i was to try to say something, she would just shush me, but she says things sometimes during the beginning and i try to act ok.