I HATE words of encouragement

i would like explain my situation(i'm not native english speaker, sorry), it's since 1 week that i'm depressed, i'm feel unlucky but sometimes i think that i should no complain
i'm 20yo, live in a little town in italy, i'm live in not a good financial situation, i hate my parents, i'm fell worthless and ugly, i hate how the world works and i did a strange "experiment" that confirm all my ideas
I'm exhausted, I'm crying, I know I'm stranded but I don't know why, I wouldn't even have the excuse why maybe I was locked up in the house, I've been around all day
yet I seem to be childish I seem to suffer for adolescent reasons, on the meaning of life, I have so much anger and sadness, everything is f**ed right now, my economic situation, which does not allow me
to let off steam in some way even with futile whims, my family situation, I don't feel empathy for them, I find them dead bored, my sentimental situation, I don't think I've ever felt loved and never loved
apart from the first crushes of 14 years, I believe that I could not give anything and consequently I could not receive anything, looking at the factors that can give you a happy life, they are relationships, a decent financial situation and self-fulfillment
I have no qualities for any of the three, for relationships neither the character I have nor the appearance helps me, the financial one unfortunately can only be resolved with time and self-realization itself, what qualities would I have to satisfy that
What do I want, what the f*** do I want now? I do not know
I am really bad it has been a long time since I felt like this, tomorrow I certainly think I would be better, but I feel stressed, my heart goes to 1000, I would like to scream a lot, break everything, but I could not because the dead would also hear me, I would like to be alone in a wood
to unload all the neurotic stress on him
I had my first depressive crisis at 16, a sense of absurd emptiness, things have not improved, I have many periods no, I cannot rely on anyone or anything
empathy would be the antidote to this bitterness, but I can't, I can't, this f***ing life won't let me, there's no how to do it, or you can and it comes automatically or nothing, I'm going to faint
from anger.
I absolutely have to find something to devote myself to, something that gives me satisfaction, in the end it's about finding distractions.
now I understand all those who dedicate themselves more to professional life than sentimental or family life, where you do not find satisfaction you have to compensate for it with something else.
I cannot commit myself to finding satisfaction in relationships because first, perhaps it is not even possible and second, even if it were possible, it does not mean that it can make me more peaceful.

and to be consistent with the title, I hate people who encourage me in similar situations.