I Hate Myself
Probably a common theme here but right now i don't even want to look at myself in the mirror I have been struggling ever since high school to have or maintain a Job. anytime I'm doing a job my anxiety gets the best of me and I fuck it up I'm now 23 and just did a 1 week work trial unpaid and and at the end was told I was "unsuitable". I didn't even want to ask why I was unsuitable because I know I had to hold back tears and get out of that building. Also I have always been socially awkward never even been kissed, It just seems to me I don't deserve to be paid for my work, I don't deserve to have a women romantically interested in me don't deserve to be a member of society,and I don't deserve to be loved by family and friends. I think if i killed myself everyone would be depressed in the short term but long term everyone would be happier because i just drag everyone down. The thing is I do have friends and family who are supportive but I don't see why I even deserve them in my life there so good and capable but i'm just a fuckup and loser.
Sorry to hear what you have been going through. The best you can do is try in this difficult economic times. And you are trying. Our job status can be devastating on our self image and thatsso sad since we have so little control over the status of the economy. And then when people eventually get work they are often not permanently employed. You are in your early twenties with a life in front of you. I read somewhere that most people will change careers between 5-7 times in their life. It might take some time but believe that good things will come your way. At this time with the severe emotional pain this cause you try to keep yourself immersed in fun activities like reading. Also any person worth having in your life would not define you by your job status.
All the best to you and please don't give up hope.
Thanks man I just mainly felt like writting everything I felt down, and I know what you're saying is true but I just don't feel it's if that makes sense.
sorry meant to say
I just don't feel it's true if that makes sense.
Hey, youdodeserve those things you mentioned. I hate myself so much too that it physically hurts so you're defintely not the only one. I haven't worked in years, I'm on disability allowance so luckily I don't have to, but when I did work I was always miserable. Unfortunately I had no choice then. I am also completely socially awkward, always have been.
I agree that job status can affect us. Especially when it's usually the first thing people ask about, and when you have to try explain you're not doing anything, I know it makes me feel worthless. Plus my brother and sister are both doing exceptionally well at their jobs, my parents are so proud, and then I just lie in bed all day everyday. I feel like the disappointment of the family.
anyway, sorry, it's not about me. Maybe that job wasn't for you and something better or more suited will come along. I'm having the same thinking about killing myself..but I'm sure everyone would be devastated if you did. No one is forced to stick around and support you, they obviously love you and you must be a good person. Please don't do anything bad. Youareworthy of love, I promise.
