I can't anymore

i really can't put up with this anymore, it's just like life doesnt want me to be happy my whole child hood I had to deal with my brother nd father's love of alcohol. Everyday worrying that I might disurb them or they might get angry. I'm not scared or anything I've always just been the type to worry about everyone I worried that they might come around and cause more problems when things are okay even to this point I still feel the same, I hate seeing them like this I hate them I'd want them dead but I hate it. At the moment my brother and father have eased on the agressiveness and cause no havoc anymore, I still feel anxious, and sad. There's nothing to worry about anymore even when my brother interacts with my mother. not only that, it doesn't help that ALL my friends forgot about me, as if I don't exist anymore. No one has ever tried contacting me, it's me but I always end up being pushed away or ignored, ignored like how my "cousin" only said happy new years to my God bro and quickly left as if I wasn't there. I'm at the point where I hate everyone and have that mind set where humanity is just crap. I'm alone, I've always been alone and will be alone it's hard for me to make friends and keep them. I'm not interesting. I just tired of everything I have no motivation In me anymore I don't even feel like I have a chance in college I feel like everything I do isnt good enough. I don't even want to do anything anymore I just wish my life could end seeing no one cares