I can't stop comparing myself to other people's success
Alright, first post time. There is this streamer I watch occasionally, and recently, she learns that she must change her username in order to sell merchandise. She's a bit distraught about it, when her whole community comes to support her decision, no Matter what that is. I see this happen all in real time, and I say to myself, "Am I not allow to have that kind success?" I mean, look at me. I'm 27 years old who's never had a Girlfriend, still a virgin, working a minimum wage job I hate, and still living with my mother. It makes both hate myself and Jealous of the other person. The sad part is, even if someone tells me that thier proud of me, I wont believe them. Cause I'm not proud of myself, and quite possibly never will be.
@DPP21 The title you gave to this thread reminded me of this:
Rule 4 Compare yourself with who you were yesterday, not with who someone else is today
It's from the book, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, written by a Canadian professor of psychology. He wrote it to answer pretty much exactly the question you asked here, "Am I not allow to have that kind success?" He's a very smart guy, but I haven't read the book myself and I don't know how good his advice is. It's just, your title reminded me of it.
You can talk to any listener here at 7 Cups about that feeling of not being proud of yourself, and about that hopeless feeling you never will be. If you'd like to chat to me about things, feel free to click on my profile and message me.
@RarelyCharlie I understand what you're saying, I truly do, but I don't believe you. I just found it hard to believe that the me of today is better than the me of yesterday of they are both the same.
@DPP21
I hear what you're saying. We can't help but wish to be like someone else because we find it so hard to accept ourselves for who we are. Society creates these images of 'perfect' and whoever doesn't fit under that category is seen to be an outcast and/or 'unsuccessful'. There's no use in people telling us to stop comparing ourselves to others because it's just unrealistic. Comparing ourselves is an automatic stimulus and we barely notice it half of the time.
One thing we have to remember is that life means different things to different people. Your idea of happiness may differ from mine, so would the image of 'perfect'. We often compare ourselves because we feel as we don't meet society's expectations of 'perfect', but we have to remember our own definition. Although it is hard, we have to find a way to accept the fact that everyone is different. We all have different values and beliefs that we treasure and that is what makes us unique
@Ashdene so if my definition of perfect is "Rich, with a supportive community, a beautiful and loving wife, and amazing kids", and I've never had that in my life, does mean I'm not allowed that? If so, what AM I allowed to have?
@DPP21
No, this does not at all mean that you're not allowed it. There is nothing that you are not allowed, unless you allow yourself to believe that you're not allowed it.
Situations always change. One day, your vision of 'perfect' will come true. It might take a week, a year, 10 years, who knows? But we can't sit back and expect this to happen randomly.
This sounds so hard for you to deal with. You want that partner, you want a person in your life that you know you can depend on. You want something that is constant in your life, it's not easy to go through what you're going through, I understand that it is hard, but never say never (please ignore the Justin Bieber reference, can't stand him bleeeughh.) There will come the day where you will have that someone and you will achieve your 'perfect'. It may just be a matter of time
