I decided to give up
I have posted somewhere in 7cups about the situation I am in. How me and my husband was forced to give up our dream house to help my husband's dying granpa. How we have to delay making a family because we have to give financial support to the sick grandpa. How my mother-in-law forced us to give more than what we can in her stead because she's away.
Things got worse since I posted that. Now the family is in chaos. Grandpa was operated and a tube was put on his throat. The cancerous tumor grew bigger so he can't breath anymore. He will be operated again this month for the tube in his tummy. Me and my husband visited grandpa and saw that he didn't like the tube in his throat. Actually, grandpa and grandma still didn't know that the tumor in grandpa's throat is larynx cancer, stage 4 and grandpa only has 6 months to live. I feel bad for them that people around them kept the condition a secret. I feel like grandpa still think that he can be cured and got his hopes up when he got the tube and got hospitalized.
Grandpa was sent home 3 days after the operation. My mother in law ask us again to send money so grandpa can be released from the hospital. She already send money but it's not enough so she asked us to give some more. At that time, I just cried because seriously, all the savings that we have for our dream house is now gone. I don't want to be a bad person but at that point I actually thought that it's unfair. Grandpa got his cancer from drinking alcohol everyday for 40 years, he lived happily with friends and now that he is sick, he dragged everyone to his problem. If I'm as rich as ophrah I won't mind giving him millions if he wants it but no, we are poor and my husband is working hard to save up for our dream house. Now it's gone. Financial help doesn't stop after his release in the hospital. The family hired a helper and a private nurse, bought suction machine, nebulizer, respirator, medicines and a lot more. I know that if grandpa dies, we need to give money again for his burial.
Somewhere in my thoughts, my evil self would say that grandpa doesn't deserve all the help he gets. That he should just die and its a waste of money to get him cured if he is already dying. My husband feel like my mother-in-law is getting overlu dramatic about grandpa. My mother-in-law still help us with our finances and now she stopped doing that for grandpa. Before, she told us to get our own house and she will help but now whenever we ask her about it, she will just get mad at us as if she wants to throw us away so she can give money to grandpa which is my husband think is so unfair. As children we never once disobeyed her. We respected her. Now, she is siding with people who insulted her, treated her like ATM machine, those who have wronged her before. She is throwing us away for them. How ironic is that? I wanted to tell her that but I'm just an in-law and my husband is the one who has the right to do that.
Because of the way she's treating us lately, we decided to give up. I hate my mother-in-law because I love her.
She changed a lot eversince grandpa got sick. She blamed us all the time because she regretted not granting all grandpa's wish before she flew back abroad. She blamed us for messing up with the mortgaged house. She blamed us for everything. She usually just call us when she is in a bad mood. All her stress about grandpa, she poured all of it to us and we already are tired hearing all his complain when she is the one who chose to help grandpa. I don't know anymore what to feel so we decided to give up on everything. We're so tired.
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation! That has got to be really rough for you and your husband. I really hope things start improving for you all very soon. Hang in there, and don't give up on everything. I'm not sure, maybe you need encouragement and a fresh perspective?
I understand.
It's been a while and things never changed. It got worse since grandpa is sent back and forth to the hopsital. My husband has been venting out his frustration gradually but I know how angry he feels about the situation. He feels like my mother-in-law doesn't love him anymore and just sees us as burden. It's been a month since my husband and his mother fought over the phone. My mother-in-law always tell us stories about grandpa and the people around him, how they are all experiencing hardship and financial problem.
We, as husband and wife, usually keep our problems to ourselves and never let my mother-in-law hear about those. We are quiet coz we do not want to stress her out even more. The thing is, my mother-in-law takes it as if we do not have any problem at all and compared to grandpa and the rest of the family, we do not experience hardships like them. She always compare us to others and that makes my husband even more furious.
The people who are taking care of grandpa are all unemployed. So my mother-in-law shoulder almost all the finances they need not just the financial need of grandpa. My husband feels that it is so unfair that my mother-in-law decided to give money to lazy people who have wssted their lives and grow old as beggars (these are the relatives living with grandpa: an uncle, the cousin and the cousin's partner) than to support him who have been working so hard after he graduated from college, HER OWN SON too.
I do not want to sound unkind but those people chose that kind of life. They didn't finish school, or try to find work and just rely on the money sent by other people to them while my husband did his best to finish college and just ask for a little help from my mother-in-law since his salary is not yet enough to pay the bills. It's as if my mother-in-law chose to hard-carry a lot of unemployed people than to give a little support to her own son. I also think it's unfair.
I don't think my husband and mother-in-law will reconcile soon. As long as grandpa is alive, my husband will carry that anger to his heart. He once told me that at the back of his mind, he is wishing for grandpa to just die soon. To be honest, I also think the same. It might sound so bad like people will think we are both bad people for wishing that but then, our situation won't be solved until grandpa really passed away.
I hope that things get better.
I am sorry that you are going through this.
