I don't even know if I'm depressed but I'm completely lost
I've been feeling like this for a while. I am unemployed and I believe this is taking away my sanity because at this point I don't know where to turn to professionally. Only had an internship after college which went wrong and screwed me in so many ways, so now I'm not even sure of where and what I could work on. I've tried t be introspective lately and find out what I've really like, separating hobbies and contacts that don't make sense anymore and accepting that I won't be picking them so I should not let them define me. But with all of this I feel so empty because now I don't know what I like to do. There's nothing that I really want to do, not a hobby that makes me explore it to the fullest, that makes me passionate about it. On one hand I try t force myself to be disciplined about a hobby and I end up turning it into a chore because I am not having fun. On the other hand there's no hobby that makes me work hard for it. At this point I don't know if I am actually uninterested and I need new hobbies or if I am just lazy. Same for a career. I have a background in IT but I would be a terrible developer so I tried to learn data science, since I liked what the data science team did at the company where I had my internship, but even that fails to fullfill me. Feels like there's no drive at all
This work situation is even harder when I know I need to find something but have no idea what I should be applying to. I spend most of my day looking at job ads and thinking "I guess I could do this" and applying but it feels like I'm picking the least bad and not the best, something I guess I can do and not something I'm sure I would rock at.
Sorry if this doesn't make any sense to you, I kinda need to vent and I can't afford a therapist right now. If you ever been in the same situation I would appreciate any advice you could give me
Thanks
@justcameforthes
Sorry for you ...
Try to fix your sleep hours.
Dont use your fone for long hours.
Try to be outdoors as much as you can., walking , running or even sitting and looking to lovely children playing in the street.
You need to have social cycle to prevent this state to depression.
I hope this will help you.
But eventually you should have a hand from specialized person.
@justcameforthesnacks
I can't give you a "yes" or "no" answer because I'm not educated enough on the matter. But one thing you mentioned , the lack of enthusiasm, is one of the signs. You feel tired all the time, you try to do things and it isn't as fullfiling as you wanted it to be, even if it's a fun thing.
Other symptoms of depression that (according to my personal experience) is: feeling tired all the time for no appearent reason, feeling happy and sad for no reason aswell and the mood can change super fast and you don't know why, you might struggle with eating (eating too much or barely eating) , you can't focous well on things, your sleeping schedule is off (like getting late to bed , yet sleeping alot or feeling the constant need of sleep).
Again I'm not a psychologist but I hoped I help. My advice is to find a specialist and get a proper diagnosis. I don't know how it works where you live but many times the government offers free resources! You should get informed and get help
Best of luck 
@Booklover95
I knew about some of those symptoms but to be fair I don't feel any of them. I've been staying in bed a little longer because it has been really cold on the last couple of weeks, but not because I need to sleep. I don't feel tired, my appetite is fine and I don't have mood swings. There are days I feel better but it's not a sudden change of mood withou any trigger. It's just overall emptyness and apathy. I wish I could go to a therapist but I can't spend that money so far. I'll be able to as soon as I find a job, but I'm afraid that by then I'll be even more miserable since I'll probably accept anyting just because I need to work and make some money
@justcameforthesnacks
Oh I see. Also I agree, therapists are super expensive :(
Do you know if the government of your country has free therapists?
I hope you get help! Sending you good vibes
@Booklover95
It's not just that they are super expensive, it's also because I have other doctor appointments for the next months and a therapist on top of that would make a very large expense. Right now there are no therapists in the healthcae system, although there are plans to introducce them. Still, I'd have to go to my family's doctor and then she could send me to a therapist. I'd proabbly wait months before I could get an FD appointment so it wouldn't be very helpful anyway
I normally like physics. But when I was depressed I was just lost and even didnt enjoy from it...In those times nothing gives you a joy...
It can be hard to find the one thing that you love..Maybe you tried most of the hobbies or jobs or things but its mostly about what your heart says..Also your internship passed bad maybe but it shouldnt stop you for giving another shot.
Life is not about being happy all the time but sometimes also feeling low and low..That puts meaning to it..Also I believe theres always a way that we can choose to do right thing..
Can you breathe, walk or see, thats something...Hold on that and try to do your best.You need to decide to change and most important maybe you need a motivation, for some people its a dream, a life or something else...
Dont give up on yourself. Dont much thing about it, just try and explore every option that comes you.
@justcameforthesnacks
There are those people who come out of the womb knowing what they like and what they want to do for a career (yes they are the lucky ones);
then there are the ones that eventually steer towards a job/career they are comfortable with doing for a living and sort of enjoy;
then there is the rest of us who go from one thing to another based on what jobs are available and what you can stand doing to make a living and pay your bills.
I don't think those things change much, so if you are in the not knowing description, then you might want to focus on what you would like to have in life and go from there. In otherwords, if you want something material, then work everywhere and do whatever you can to make money in order to buy that thing. If you value relationships get a job where you would meet lots of people and possibly settle with someone of means so you don't have to be trapped in a bad job. If you are a risk taker than look at jobs that might pump your adreniline.
One advice I used to give is when you get an idea of a certain place you want to work, its better to get your foot in the door, then try to get into the job you want. But, that can backfire, as some places do not promote from within. They may SAY they do, but reality may be different.