I don't know what's wrong with my brain
Hi. I have a very big problem in my mind, and I can't keep it more time.
I've always love singing, since I was 16 years old. I've always wanted to sing in a stage, I always imagined about that. I just enjoyed singing.
2 months and a half ago, I was able to pay singing classes and was very good in the first month, but then, something happened. I begun asking myself "Do I like singing?" It was very weird. The days where passing by, and the thougts were increasing in a point, tat I'm unable to enjoy singing. When I sing, I can't keep out of my mind the feeling that I don't like singing. Even when I wake up in the morning, the first thing it come to my mind is that question. Over all of that, My teacher told me to go to the choir and I accepted. I enjoy the choir, but the thoughts appear, and I can't enjoy enough.
I will have my first performance in a month (29 June) and I'm not excited about it, I'm indiferent.
It's very frustrating, to go to the singing class and have these thougs, go to the choir and the same, wake up, and the same, singign in house and the fucking same.
Yesterday, my teacher told me something that was very good for me. She told me that there are two paths when you are singing.
The first path, the path of nervous, of worrying about people, about making mistakes. While she was saying that I was like ("I think I don't care" "Oh shit, I want to care" ). And then, she said the second path.
ENJOY!!
I applied that word in my house, after the class, and I was able to sing without any of the thoughts for 30 minutes, for the first time in 1 month. But then, today, all it's the same. I try to apply the word "enjoy" but it doesn't work like yesterday.
and I'ts not just with singing. I feel like I can't enjoy nothing more, but I don't have depression. It's weird, but it's true, and it's fuckng killing me.
Someone pls. there someone out here who went through the same??
@Treidd Greetings I am glad that you were able to share your big problem regarding singing. Based on your post you have enjoyed singing and now are experiencing an inner conflict of singing in public that has manifested to your leisure time at home. I am curious if you have identified your stressors regarding singing in public? Have you participated in public speaking activities in the past? Do you need more practice in doing something big with an audience?
I am not sure but let's explore for a second, singing in public may be the same as taking a big math exam. You can do fine on the homework, short quizzes, and group projects and then when you get to the math exam - you bomb. What would you do in that instance? You would practice more on taking the math exam. You would spend more time with your teacher, or study groups to deepen your understanding of the concepts. Is there a parallel action that you can do with singing?
I encourage you to take the time to explore. Do not be hard on yourself. Speak positive word of affirmation- "I love signing. My voice can encourage someone with my vocal talents. I can do this - I sing at home I can sing in public. " No one can take this away from you and it can calm your nerves by identifying different mindfulness tools for you. ( If you do not know mindfulness tools - take a minute and look them up on the 7 cups community)
Most of all don't give up! You want to pursue singing continue to do so and fight through this temporary moment of un comfortability ! I believe in you! Go share your voice with all!
@Treidd
It's possible you may just need a change of pace or a break from it. Similar to how really liking your favorite song until you've listened to it just a bit too much can curb your enthusiasm for it. Also stress in other areas of life can have a strange effect on things you don't expect without any obvious signs of depression. If your persistent thoughts seem to be at the root of it listening to some mindfulness audio may help you find a more quiet part of your mind where you don't feel bombarded by the thoughts or more able to let go of them.
