I dont know what to do anymore
Hi all sorry if I go on I just don't know what to do anymore
So my life's been bad for years now in fact I really can't remember a time that was good and I felt happy, I've just had to move house after getting broken into at knifepoint my partner left me shortly after due to my depression I literally have lost everyone I care about because of the way I am, I self harm on a daily and I have nothing but negative thoughts.
I'm trying for help so bad but all I really need is a support network and some people to hang with I currently don't work because of my mental health so I have loads of free time to hate myself and find ways of hurting myself, I'm currently on medication not that it works but also waiting for therapy. I literally do not know what to do anymore scared to make friends because everyone leaves me eventually and I'm sick of people only wanting to hang because they feel sorry for me I've been bullied my entire life and still get abuse in the street for being different. I need help but also feel like this could be the end I'm tired and have no energy to fight my head over committing suicide anymore
I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to be hopeful. Every single time i decide to put a hint of hope into someone or something, i get severely disappointed. It honeslty feels like it's a routine. I hate to sound like a victim, but at the moment, i feel like one. I want to succeed, so badly, and everyone expects me to. Yet the same people, who have the highest expectations, are the same people who set my limitations. I'm just so fed up with being treated like the choices are mine to make when others make them for me. I'm sick of it. I want to live my life on my own terms, not the terms of others. Why is it that everyone else gets to pursue their actual dreams, when i'm told what i should dream?
@clouddyy I can absolutely understand your situation! I've actually been raised with the idea that perfection exists and I need to achieve it by living up to what my parents wanted me to do. Later on in school I was bullied by my classmates and even my best friends if I wouldn't meet the expectations.
The truth is people will always try to tell you what to do but it's on you decide what you want to do! You always have a choice! It might make you lonely at some points but it's better to be alone and love yourself than to be surrounded by people who'll only love you if you're what they want you to be while you suffer so much!
It's quite a tough journey to find a way to yourself and put your own needs first, I know that. But trust me, as soon as you start it you'll love it!