I hate myself so much
Hello everyone,
I've been struggling with depression for many years, mainly because of how I loathe myself so much. I've been keeping myself busy to keep my mind off of it, but it always comes back. I can't seem to do anything right. I always ruin everything and I feel like everyone secretly hates me too. I'm often told that I'm so weird, insecure, a failure, and a burden. I keep having recollections of all the screw-ups that I've done, and what people have said about me. I'm such a horrible person. I wish I can make people happy and not hate me. I wish I can stop hating myself but I don't know how. I'm really sorry about posting this here. I feel so alone and I don't have anyone to talk to about this issue.
@willingWillow8638 You can't make someone else happy until you're happy. The reason you can't show your best self, the reason you can't make people smile, is because you're not at your best right now. Depression is typically feeling bad and shame for something in the past so you have to stop blaming yourself for something you did. You can't change that. But you can wake up with the idea you can change and make your life better. I know it's so much easier said than done, but I have some ideas to help you. 1. think of the goals you think are attainable and you want to achieve (goals can change and if you can't achieve one, you can always have another goal.) 2. create steps to get to your goals 3. create a vision board. If you can't think of the goals in your life right now, I would just focus on being happy right now. Push yourself to hang out once a month at least, and find activities and events in your area. Maybe find something to fufill your life. For example, volunteer, go to church and get involved with religion, a sport like running or dancing. You can change your life. You really do have that power- even if you don't see it right now. Sometimes you have to push yourself to hangout even if you feel like a burden but again, don't choose people who make you feel bad and less than you are. If you can't think of anyone, there a BILLIONS of people in the world! You can join something and try to meet people. Yes, it's a lot of work, but you can't live a fufilling life by feeling depressed everyday. It's okay if you do once in a while, maybe you might be depressed for a month, but you can totally jump back and get into your groove again. Also, a good trick to thinking positively, write 3 good things about your day and 3 good things about yourself in a journal everyday. It could be something like "I bought my favorite cereal today"! It can literally be anything. Try it for 10 days at least. If nothing helps, look into a therapist, or if the depression is too strong, I would recommend going to a program. Hopefully this helps. You have the power! Hang in there!