I hate myself so much
I've hated myself since my early teen years. I feel like an inadequate and worthless person unworthy of love and happiness. People in my life think that I am a good and capable person, but that's irrelevant because I can't get myself to believe that. I feel like everyone is going to leave me once they realize who I really am. These feelings are so intense I can only cope with them by self harming, I don't cut. It's hard to clean up and it leaves scars. I just punch myself as hard as I can until I get tired. I am such a mess. Why am I so pathetic. I don't bring anything of value to this world. I often wonder, why am I still alive?
@CurWilliam Don't hate yourself. **Get better**. Fix what you dislike.
@CurWilliam Darling (or something else, if you're a male), I know exactly what you are going through right now. I went through a tough time in middle school, and my outlet for my anger was beating myself up (over what now seems like the smallest of things). I'm telling you now... Life is tough, but it is only as hard as you allow it to be. You can fight back. You can win against all of your negative emotions. Unfortunately, by hitting yourself and bringing yourself down, you are only giving into the pain. You are causing yourself to suffer even further, and you don't deserve that one bit. Nobody does. It may seem like you deserve to be punished, but I can gaurantee right now that you are worthy of a pain-free, happy life. And you CAN make it so.
What good will harming yourself do? Is it going to snap you out of the guilt, anger, and sadness that you feel? Is it going to magically slap all of your problems away? Honestly, it won't. I tried. The more you beat yourself up, the worse you are going to feel. You need a healthier way to manage the way you feel inside. If you keep bringing yourself down, you are going to get dragged deeper into the hole called Depression, and it will be sooooo difficult to climb out!
I want you to get better. I care about you. I am stuck in a rabbit hole, but you don't need to be. You can get out. It is NEVER too late. Tips to help you would be hard to give, consdering the fact that I still struggle the same as you are, but you can talk to me if you need to. Just say the words, and I'll PM you on my listener account. It isn't a problem. Time is never wasted if it is used to help a broken person heal. You're in need of something that you have to find within yourself, and it will take time, but you CAN make it through this. All I can do is support you as much as I can. Recovery is to be found within your own mind.
Even if I don't hear back from you, I wish you luck with your journey. Nobody ever said that life was easy, right? We have to get through the hard times to appreciate the great ones. If you push through this now, there will come a day when your weight is lifted and you can be happy again. I promise that much.
@BrokenShadow Thank you for replying. I don't know what to do, I am overwhelmed by anger and stress the only way I can deal with it is by redirecting the anger towards myself. I know it's not healthy, but I don't think directing it at other people is a much better alternative. I feel greatly ashamed, I should not act like this, which in turn makes me hate myself even more.
@CurWilliam I understand how you feel. I have dealt with it too. This seems to be fairly common, so what you are going through right now is not abnormal by any means. It's okay to feel the way that you do.
I hope I said that right... I haven't slept much at all in two days, so my brain is a little foggy right now. I mean what I say with the best of intentions.
You'll be okay. Don't beat yourself up over this. You are only human. We all make mistakes.
I am sorry that you feel this way.