I have found so much comfort in blinding hatred.

Every blow cracks away at what i feel I have left. Chips away. Piece by piece. I'm starting to lose alot of possessions, most of which I don't care but those I do have started to lose their sentiment. I now have no house, no job, my friends are falling apart, and every day comes with another strike of a hammer to crack at what I have left. Something will be taken away. Every day its denial to access basic needs. Denial denial. However, I have started to find comfort in it. I used to feel empty, sad, or overwhelmed. Those were my 3 feelings. Happiness would often grow in small shimmers of light but be quickly quelled my misunderstanding of it. Now I feel more emotion than ever. Hate. I have found Hate. Hatred, spite, anger, frustration, bitterness, pettiness, nervousness, rage, callousness, loathing. I have discovered parts of myself I never knew existed. I've always been so terrified of experiencing emotions. But now I can't stop but relish in these terrible thoughts. I never used to be like this, but now one minor inconvenience will occur and it comes rushing like a hit of adrenaline and I feel like I have feeling. Its overwhelming, but it feels comfortable to feel something. Even if it is hate. I have become the exact person I know I was not. But I don't know, I know that this constant unbending anger is not good for myself but I can't help but love when I get to have some sort of strong emotion I can understand. I understand hate. Its easy to hate. It is so so so easy to hate. I just need to vent out my frustrations. I feel like there are many spiteful and vicious circles that I find myself falling into, and I have no other vessel to flee in other than riding these continuous, hateful feelings.